Thursday, June 16, 2011

this 'n' that

Sometimes there are words that make sentences; sometimes there are sentences that make paragraphs. Often times those combinations make sense, but occasionally they do not.

This week has been a stream of consciousness kind of experience, one that strings this to that and that to the other.

I got home from work tonight and walked into a messy house. I got on Facebook and noticed all of the pretty, skinny girls spamming my feed. As I glanced around my cluttered home, I felt my well-fed stomach growl. Rather than dwelling on my lack of prettiness and cleanliness, I decided to give myself a pep talk: "Hey, at least you can bake."

So I decided to make strawberries stuffed with a sweet cream cheese and chocolate mixture for the cook out at work tomorrow. I get home to the store without chocolate, so I was off to a good start. I start mixing the cream cheese and powdered sugar and it flies all over the kitchen.

The filling was super, super runny and it tasted weird. Honestly, I think it tastes disgusting. I had asked Anthony to bring me a bar of chocolate so I could finish the strawberries, and in he walks with dark chocolate. This is no fault of his-- no, no, it's mine. I hate dark chocolate. So rather than thanking him, I just make a smart remark about him getting the wrong chocolate.

I feel like a failure. I've had this overwhelming feeling of dissatisfaction with myself, otherwise known as sucking at life. You know, it's like... you're living, but you're sucking at it. Get it?

Anyway, I explained to Anthony that I had been Facebook-stalking pretty people and staring at my messy house, and I went on to say that I was upset because my strawberry dessert tasted bad. My pep-talk had failed me! I can't even bake!

Ant rubbed my shoulders and told me that I was a silly monkey. I would normally punch anyone who attempted to say something like that to me, but for some reason I think he's sweet when he says things like that.

The more I sat there, the more I realized that this is really about that, and that isn't even that anymore. I've had some things going on at work lately, and it's made me reconsider a lot of what I thought that I was good at. I feel like the things that I've always had a grip on are slowly slipping away. There's a lot more to that than this, but I guess that's all I know how to say.

Moreover, in a certain number of words, that is all.

8 comments:

misslarissabree said...

I totally get you with this post.
This happens to me often. I get so overwhelmed with everything thats wrong with me its hard and our heads usually win.

then it doesn't help when you cook or bake and everything goes wrong.
I really hope tomorrow is better :)

amyschmamey said...

Awe, I totally have days/weeks like this. I'm sorry girl. You are very beautiful I must say. I love your pretty eyes. Everytime I talk to you, I think my gosh this girl has beautiful eyes. And you have a great smile to boot. You just are pretty. So. Take that for what it's worth.

I'm pretty sure your strawberries were fine. Dark chocolate does suck though. I have to really be in the mood for it to like it.

I am guilty of making Dave feel like junk when he gets the wrong thing. I don't mean to. He is harder on himself than I will ever be. But I get that too.

Don't fret about work, just take it one day at a time. We all go through times where things just don't seem to work out. You will get through this.

Love you girl. Looking forward to Saturday!

Gwiddle said...

UGh I hate it when I facebook stalk or even blog lurk for that matter. And the people seem to have perfect lives, and perffect marriages.. & they are pretty and skinny & blemish free. Well you know what lizzard {sorry for all the grammatical errors} I think you are one gorgeous girl. That is NO lie. I'm sorry you had a hard day:(

Lillian said...

Days, weeks, months (yeah I've had 'em) like this suck like that!

I'm praying today is better for you and I'm glad you didn't punch Anthony. He's a good guy, and you are a good girl.

Hang in there (don't ya hate it when someone says that =>). As my mother used to say, "this too shall pass." Sometimes it takes a while but it does indeed pass.

Live Joyful said...

I've kind of been having this kid of day/week. Because my house is a mess. I haven't put on makeup in a week. I haven't even put on clothes that don't have spandex in over a week.. I look at peoples blogs that seem to have it all together and wish i was more like them -- but then I realize that I don't think everyone else does either you know?

Love how genuine and honest you are.
You are beautiful girl.
Thanks for the encouraging uplifting remarks.
Thanks for being a good blog friend :)

Janette said...

Ok, I just want to copy and paste Heidi's comment to you because I completely agree with everything she said.. But then you might think me inconsiderate and lazy :-/ Anyway.. You are beautiful! And bad days come and go...I'm happy that you have someone sweet by your side to cheer you up and encourage you... And what's this I hear about you not liking dark chocolate... Gasp!

Lots of love,

Janette, the Jongleur

Mandy said...

I hate days like that, where nothing goes right. It's so nice to have people who can make you feel at least a little better with just a couple of words or a sweet action. <3

Amylou said...

I missed this post last week, but just know you aren't alone girl!
I have days like this all the time.
Hugs!!!