Wednesday, October 26, 2011

everybody knows that you break your neck to keep your chin up

So I just typed up this huge, long post about.. stuff. I felt like I was rambling, and I couldn't even form the right sentences to make my brain make sense.

And this is super nerdy, but I sort of wish that Harry Potter was a real life thing, because I want one of those pensive things. I can't scoop "life" into a box and unpack it whenever I want to. And the lame thing about me is that my memory is about as good as nothing.

Sometimes, there's a moment, and you want to keep it forever. It's one of those happy/sad things, because you're so happy to be in that moment, but you're quickly realizing that the moment will eventually cease to exist, and that's that. You can try and recreate those feelings, and you can even describe them fairly well to those around you, but you can't MAKE them feel what you felt for the same reasons that you ever felt them.

PHEW.

But sometimes there are gross, sticky feelings in your stomach that make you want to vomit all of your thoughts and thinks... along with any leftover food that might be in there... And sometimes you want other people to do that with you, so you don't feel so alone. (RIGHT? Please affirm me.)

You know, because sometimes life doesn't seem fair. It doesn't even necessarily have to be unfair toward you-- because sometimes, horrible things happen to OTHER people, and you don't know how to handle it.

Sometimes these situations make you want to give the world a good shaking. And sometimes you want to yell at God because you don't understand why bad things happen to good people... and normal people, for that matter.

And yeah, you can acknowledge all of the typical answers to your deep, philosophical thoughts, but that's simply not enough.

So maybe, if you're like me, you put together a playlist that maybe expresses those inexpressible thoughts in a way that makes you feel like you're perhaps feeling the right things at the right time about the horrible things that you can do nothing about.

(thanks, Suzy, for introducing me to Grooveshark)



3 comments:

Sydnee said...

This is me, affirming you -- and all those "gross, sticky feelings" that I know all too well, and share with you this week. I'm sure this "dark color" will make sense in the final tapestry, in the big picture, but for now - it simply sucks.

I'm glad you had the courage to write it though, glad that you have the talent to write it WELL. I'm glad there's a you. Thanks for that. (((comforting hug)))

Heather said...

me loves the music.


and i have been there...mostly in the happy side... where i literally wanna make a video, but not of what is going on, of what i'm feeling and thinking and experiencing...

The second you begin thinking about the moment ending- you feel like you're grasping onto every sound, feeling, etc. But then you realize you're wasting the moment by trying to capture it instead of living it... hmm crazy.


Dear geezuss... i love the kooks more than i love myself. haa

blazebratcher said...

I just found your blog, and it is so cute! I love your playlist too - looks like we have some similar taste in music! :)