lovely

It's hot in Texas. And I do not have air conditioning in my car. It is HOT.
I am constantly sweating, and I am rarely able to look "professional," since I end up wiping my makeup off with my sweat, and my "nice" clothes consistently stick to my body.
Oh yeah, and allow me to mention my left arm tan. It's going to look super cute in my wedding dress.

But one of the upsides of having no air conditioning, is that my windows are always down. I sing louder when they're down, and my music is cranked. It's pretty awesome. The music that moves me moves me further when my windows are down. I'd like to think it's because my world expands when I do that.

The other night, I was driving home after a super long day, and it was extremely dark. I hadn't realized before that darkness has shades and depth. I mean... wow. There's black, and there is BLACK. I had my music off for some reason, and I noticed the waves of chirping surrounding me. It could have been eerie, I suppose, but I didn't find it to be so.

I was in the middle of creation and it was lovely.

The closer I got to civilization, the quieter the chirping became. Soon enough, I was on a main road again and all I could hear was wind and wheels. So I turned my music back on, and it sang to me, "this city breathes the plague of loving things more than their creators.."

I started thinking about what that meant, because after all- it was a long drive.

I miss a lot of things, and I'd rather not do that so often. Because, after all- life isn't so long. But I didn't miss this, because my windows were down.

Right now it's easy for me to be happy. I'm getting married, we have some job prospects, and life is going really well right now. We have our problems; life isn't totally peachy, but overall, we are so very blessed.

I never thought I'd be happy like this... not after (what I thought was) my everything was smashed and punched and kicked and spit on. I thought I was doomed for eating the rotten fruits from my poor choices. And I'm still (and always will) pay for a lot of that poor decision making, but right now my life is in redemption and it's pretty awesome.

I can actually drive around and listen to nasty insects make pretty sounds and be happy about that... simply because it makes me think a little more and be a teeny bit more thankful for what is becoming and what is no longer.

And that's pretty lovely to me.