And I'm happy to say that I like myself more and more. That's probably a good thing.
Anyway, I was taking a shower this morning and decided that my next goal is to be content. This ties in with my last couple of posts. I'm really going to try and give up my "worrying" habit. This is going to be insanely difficult, but I want to be from worry and anxiety. I've had panic attacks in the past revolving around a certain stress, and I'm not interested in keeping that around.
1. I finally blocked a jerk from my Facebook today. He wanted to be friends and I was doing my best, but I don't even like him. Why am I bothering? Well, I'm not anymore.
2. I've been on a dating site for the last couple of months. It was a nice confidence boost after being torn down from my previous relationship, but that's about it. I don't want it anymore. There are a few pending messages at the moment, but as soon as that's wrapped up, I'm out of there.
And yes, this was embarrassing to admit. I was on a dating site. Admitted.
I know that these are small steps, but they are steps forward, I think.
I'm okay with who I am. There are some things I'd like to change, of course, but overall, I like me. So, this is going to be a time of refining myself.
If a relationship develops, great. If not, I don't really care at this point.
If I stay in Missouri after graduation, fine. If I move to San Antonio, fine. If I move to Egypt, fine.
If I go straight to grad school, great. If I decide to take a break, great.
I'm okay with the way that things are. I have goals, dreams, etc., but for now, I'm okay with "me."
As I've been thinking about these things, some wonderful songs come to mind:
"It is well with my soul." (I couldn't find a version I liked well enough, but I'm sure you know the hymn.)
And of course, The Beatles.
On a lighter note, here's a quick list of frivolous things that I am not going to give up unless I have to:
- mulled cider candles. (A huge one from Walmart costs $5 and it smells amazing. It relaxes me and helps me to feel at peace.)
- hair dye (I feel awesome when I get my hair dyed. Even if it's a $3 box that I apply myself.)
- protein smoothies on Wednesdays (Wednesdays are really tough days for me. These smoothies are under 200 calories and take me twenty minutes to drink. Seriously, it makes my Wednesdays bearable.)
- Burt's Bees Chapstick (It's $3 a tube and I constantly lose them, but they make my lips feel awesome.)
- canvases (I'm not a good painter, but I do love to paint.)
- good toilet paper (I'll pay an extra buck for the extra cushion.)
- sherbet (No one understands how much I adore this delightful substance.)