Monday, March 14, 2011

I'll take you as you are; please, just take me as I am.

And lately the weather
has been so bipolar
and consequently so have I
And its funny how you find
you enjoy your life
when you're happy to be alive

-Relient K

I've been pretty melancholy, lately. This state of being comes around every now and then. Perhaps it's due to the realization that spring break is OVER, or maybe it's just an overall "reality." I took my personality test again, and I am still an INFJ. I fit into the category of being an "idealist."

1.belief in or pursuance of ideals
2.the tendency to represent things in their ideal forms, rather than as they are

[If you're interested, take this test. I think it's pretty accurate. I am wary of some personality tests, but this one has remained constant, at least for me. I asked Anthony to take it yesterday to prove/disprove what my guess was, and I was right!! He is definitely an INTJ. I was so proud. (haha) It's really not that hard to guess what people "are," once you understand the test, but I am still proud. I'd be interested to know what you all score!]

But sometimes, I'm also a realist. I think that it's when my idealist tendencies clash with my own reality that I become melancholy. This idealist portion of me is probably why I stayed with my ex-boyfriend for so long. I knew how things were and how they could be, based upon what they used to be. If you don't know what I am referring to, read this post. I finally blocked his number. For those of you who have been through what I have, I hope you can understand why this deliberate act was extremely difficult. I think that is what may have set my "mood" off. 

According to one of my professors, feelings can be described as "emotion with a memory." I think I agree with this. Memory is a powerful thing. This is why smelling a scent associated with a certain time period can be painful. (or nostalgic, etc.) This is why seeing my ex is painful. He looks the same on the outside, but it's as soon as he opens his mouth that I can remember that he is no longer who he used to be; however, this can be manipulated. Words are powerful, too, after all. Isn't life complicated, sometimes? 

(I miss my nose ring. I hope that I have a job some day that allows me to have piercings. I love them.)

Now, I want you to read these lyrics. For any person that has grown up AT ALL, ever, this should make sense to you. I know that I'm pretty young, so maybe most of you have finished "growing up," but I'm okay with admitting that I am an ever-changing being. I'd like to think that this is a positive thing, but there are days like today/yesterday that make me miss who I once was.

Once I was fearless, going up against the world,
optimistic, seeing all the reasons for...
Crept through the darkness, I could live through anything.
Where, where did it go?
I wanna feel it, like I did back then, but more.
I really need it, more than I've ever before.
I believed in oh oh,
Where, where did it go?
Hey, how's it going?
And how are you?
Often do you wonder how much that isn't true?
Will you help me out if you can?
I'll take you as you are, please take me as I am.
- The Rocket Sumer

I went to Jeremy Larson's concert on Saturday night, and it really got me thinking about music again. That, combined with messing around with instruments on Friday (and my friend's funeral) has really been weighing on me. I need music.

Music, defined from my class/textbook (Music and Soul Making by Barbara Crowe):

- George Crumb: "a system of proportions in service of the spiritual"
- Standard: "organized sound for human expression"
- 1940s: "the organization of sound and silence for human expression
- one related to complexity science: "a living movement of expanding information"

I believe that music is connected to our souls. Our physical selves are simply manifestations of our souls. Mind, body, emotion, soul-- these make up our "selves."

"Issues of spirit are deeply personal and relate to our essential wholeness as a human being." (notes from class)

These issues of spirit have a need to be expressed:
1. Belonging and need for affiliation
2. Need for play
3. Need for creativity
4. Need for quality of life (self-esteem, fulfillment, freedom, happiness)
5. Need for spirituality and religion (a spiritual system)

This is why I like to paint, worship, read, run, write, blog, etc.!
(These things go along pretty well with your typical psychology theories. We, humans, have a need for these things. We yearn for companionship and understanding.)

"If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think and see my life in terms of music."
- Albert Einstein

"Music is an energy field-- which affects and interacts with the human energy fields."
- Unified Field Theory

So, those thoughts aside, here are a couple of things that made me happy yesterday:

Anthony got this book signed for me this weekend! I am so excited to start reading it again, but it will probably have to wait until summer. Oh well.

Heather and I "studied" last night and it was an extremely good release for me. I love her! (I also love butterfinger ice cream and peanut butter ice cream. Haha.)

I know that my posts are sporadic, especially when I am "melancholy." I do love that some of you actually read my posts. I hope that I make sense to you, and that maybe, just maybe, you feel what I feel... sometimes. 

Cheers. :)


Amylou said...

I took the test. You got me so interested! Especially with that awesome relient K song at first.
I got ISFJ and I think that is pretty acurate to another test I took where I tested as a relator.

amyschmamey said...

Well. I told you what I am. ISTJ. This test has changed for me. I used to be INTJ. At least I think so. I know that N was my 2nd letter. I also like the animal personality test. I always come out nearly equal on lion and beaver. Lion being my dominant animal. ANYWHO. Fun test. Thanks for posting it.

biscuit said...

I like you.

Lillian said...

Let's see...can you guess mine? I'll give you a hint it doesn't start with I. =>

Have you ever taken the StrengthsFinder 2.0? It is a great test for identifying your strengths. I really like it.

Good post Doll. Melancholy is a fine place to visit, try not to live there it has a nasty habit of turning on you.

Gwiddle said...

What a beautiful picture of you! Your eyelashes are SO long!! I also wish that I had a job that allowed piercings. I have never had my nose pierced, I did have my lip at a time. BUt I have always wanted a nose piercing<3 It looks like a great weekend through Amy's post!! How sweet of Anthony to get you and Amy a signed book! He sounds like a keeper ;) haha. OH and peanut butter ice cream has got to be one of my favorite things. Peanut butter in general is my favorite.

Janna Lynn said...

That is what I was look so beautiful in your pic's! Well...adorable lady! I always enjoy your posts..but this one was much like my homework, ha ha! I am an extrovert would you believe! :) Hope you have a great week, Hearts, Janna Lynn

Heather said...

Ohhh Liz...

I can only say:

I not only take you as you are... I love you as you are.

And I can never thank you enough for loving me as I am.

Lets sit outside Starbucks again and have another heart-to-heart. :) That was one of our better ones. haha right outside of "Style and Body."

Love you.

Breeanna @ a brilliant melody said...

I took the test and got INTJ :)

la petite lydia said...

I am an INTJ and it is pretty accurate. It hasn't changed. That is what I was when I started my undergraduate. It makes me laugh that it is the "mastermind" personality.

I seriously love your blogs. They're always so through-provoking. You're an excellent writer.

Ps. Rocket Summer is a Ray Bradbury story. Leave it to the book nerd to remember that.

Katie said...

aw i love relient k!
i have been in the SAME weird mood! just kinda blahhh all the time for no reason. pretty much no motivation here

maggeygrace said...

I dearly do love Relient K. These lyrics are lovely! I'm sorry you're feeling melancholy. I hope it passes quickly! I can never stay TOO down for too long minus the whole seasonally depressed thing going on in the winter. Wahh.

I want a nose ring!

Indy Grrrl said...

I can relate to the melancholy. I'm not a fan.

The Cookie Button said...

That ice cream looks rather tasty, yum yums!

Isabella Kiss said...

i LOVE that rocket summer song. so good.