When sorrows like sea-billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
'It is well, it is well with my soul.'"
If you have never heard this song, or if you have never looked up the history behind it, do. It's an amazing story.
Today is my friend's funeral. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read my post here.
I was leaving work this morning when I found out that my friend's granddaughters had left me their grandmother's binder of sheet music from when she played for her church. I held it together (decently) while leaving work, but as soon as I got to my car, I started bawling. Sometimes, I feel like my body won't be able to contain anymore love for people. When I love people, I truly love them. Do you know what I'm saying? Think of somebody that you love. I mean, really think of them. Do you feel like you're going to explode? Maybe that's just me. But I'm super emotional.
I don't post this to brag about how awesome I am or how much people love me. On the contrary, I am humbled to have received this music book, of sorts. Like I said in my earlier post, I wish I could use her name here, but since I can't, I'll just keep referring to her as "my friend." My friend was amazing. I will treasure this gift from her family, always.
You all, bloggers and readers, share my life with me, oddly enough. This is a big piece of who I am. I may filter some things, but overall, this is me. I screw up; I am not perfect. I get angry and petty. But for today, I am humbled. I am sad. I am blessed. I am honored to have known such an incredible woman.
Every elderly person I encounter reminds me of the love I had for my grandma. I can't express in any number of words how lucky I am to be surrounded by wisdom and laughs in the form of aging bodies.
It's not for everyone. I know that. But it's for me... at least for now.
Anyway, The funeral is in a little more than an hour. This will be the first funeral I attend other than family. It's going to be really hard. Fortunately, I think tears are acceptable in that type of an environment.
I know that these last several posts have been pretty melancholy, but sometimes life is somber. That's okay. I talked to my dad on the phone today, and I told him that situations like this make me want to quit my job, because I don't know how I will be able to keep watching people that I love die; simultaneously, I feel like my affections for the elderly should be used. Anyway, he said, "In a strange way, enjoy these moments." (I'm not sure I quoted him, exactly...) But basically, dad said to allow these feelings/emotions at their deepest to be a confirmation of being where I need to be. I can agree with that.
So, I have an overwhelming desire to play my violin again.