Tuesday, March 1, 2011

It Is Well With My Soul

"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea-billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
'It is well, it is well with my soul.'"

If you have never heard this song, or if you have never looked up the history behind it, do. It's an amazing story.

Today is my friend's funeral. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read my post here.

I was leaving work this morning when I found out that my friend's granddaughters had left me their grandmother's binder of sheet music from when she played for her church. I held it together (decently) while leaving work, but as soon as I got to my car, I started bawling. Sometimes, I feel like my body won't be able to contain anymore love for people. When I love people, I truly love them. Do you know what I'm saying? Think of somebody that you love. I mean, really think of them. Do you feel like you're going to explode? Maybe that's just me. But I'm super emotional.

I don't post this to brag about how awesome I am or how much people love me. On the contrary, I am humbled to have received this music book, of sorts. Like I said in my earlier post, I wish I could use her name here, but since I can't, I'll just keep referring to her as "my friend." My friend was amazing. I will treasure this gift from her family, always.

You all, bloggers and readers, share my life with me, oddly enough. This is a big piece of who I am. I may filter some things, but overall, this is me. I screw up; I am not perfect. I get angry and petty. But for today, I am humbled. I am sad. I am blessed. I am honored to have known such an incredible woman.

Every elderly person I encounter reminds me of the love I had for my grandma. I can't express in any number of words how lucky I am to be surrounded by wisdom and laughs in the form of aging bodies.

It's not for everyone. I know that. But it's for me... at least for now.

Anyway, The funeral is in a little more than an hour. This will be the first funeral I attend other than family. It's going to be really hard. Fortunately, I think tears are acceptable in that type of an environment.

I know that these last several posts have been pretty melancholy, but sometimes life is somber. That's okay. I talked to my dad on the phone today, and I told him that situations like this make me want to quit my job, because I don't know how I will be able to keep watching people that I love die; simultaneously, I feel like my affections for the elderly should be used. Anyway, he said, "In a strange way, enjoy these moments." (I'm not sure I quoted him, exactly...) But basically, dad said to allow these feelings/emotions at their deepest to be a confirmation of being where I need to be. I can agree with that.

So, I have an overwhelming desire to play my violin again.



amyschmamey said...

Praying for you. This is a beautiful and heartbreaking post. I think the best thing you can do to honor her is to keep playing your violin. I hope to hear you play someday. Hugs.

Lillian said...

What a fabulous honor her family gave you! I am so glad they told you how much you mean to them! It is a tough thing to say good-bye to someone we love, thankfully you have the peace of heart to know that she is standing hand in hand with her Saviour.

I love the song, It Is Well With My Soul and the history behind it is nothing short of amazing. (We use that word so often I think it has lost its impact but I cannot think of a better word than amazing for this story).

I am praying for you Liz. It's ok to cry over this loss. There will always be a "friend" shape in your life where she stood. I'm praying that the Lord reminds you of the joy you shared with your friend.

Love ya Doll. ♥

CaliChic143 said...

I'm sitting here at my desk at work with tears in my eyes... my heart goes out to you today, Liz! I have so much respect for you and what you do. It takes a special person to do what you do... at least to do it well. To see the heart you have for the people you work with is truly beautiful!
Your friend was blessed to know you, as you were to know her. And what a precious gift you now have to carry with you and remember her always.
Praying for you, dear...

Mandy said...

What a lovely, generous gift.

I hope today went as well as it could.


Gale said...

This is beautiful. I feel such warmth reading your post. You both are very blessed to have that emotional connection. I wish you love and courage today. God bless.


la petite lydia said...

This is another beautiful post Liz. I am praying for you.

Heather said...

My gosh. The first thing that loaded on my screen was the letter.

I was bawling before I even got to the part that you posted.

Thank you for sharing.

And no, you're not the only one. I feel like I might explode bc of love all the time. I swear I didnt used to be so darn emotional... but I feel like I appreciate things more now.