engagement photos & moving

Well, I'm moving back to San Antonio. It has all happened very suddenly, but last Friday I got offered a temporary job as a "personal assistant" for a couple that I used to babysit for. They are being extremely generous and allowing me to work Monday through Thursday, so that I have Fridays off to set up interviews for a job that's in my field. They needed some extra help and I needed a job, so it's a perfect fit!

It's such a wonderful opportunity, especially since I've had such trouble getting people to agree to phone interviews. Finding a job from a different state is REALLY difficult.

This is an incredible blessing, but I must say... this is tough. I'm leaving my (almost) new family and some very good friends; not to mention, I'm leaving my job at the nursing home. I'm going to miss so many people. I'll probably go on and on about that later, but for now... I'm trying to focus on the fact that God's had my back, even when I haven't been the most (at all) faithful person.

Anthony isn't coming with me until later on when HE can find a job, so there's that, too. This is already a stressful time-- planning a wedding (111 days. YIKES!), starting a new job, looking for an additional job for later on, and moving 12 hours away from where I've made my home these last few years. But anyway, there's a lot going on in my head that relates to spending my life with someone, and being away from my support (Anthony) is going to be really rough.

BUT, God is good. And I am ever so grateful for my friends that have provided this job.

So, in other news... 

We finished making our invitations!! It was a ton of hard work, but it's so, so worth it. I'll be sending those out next month, and after a while, I'll post a DIY. I'm so proud of them! (ha)

And the best part about this month was our engagement photos. Amy did them, and she was amazing. Seriously, she's incredible! Not to mention-- she's about to be my new seester. And I can't wait. (All of these images are HERS!)

Here are some of my favorites:

:)

souls

It's been a beautiful couple of weeks. Although there has been death and trauma, due to the numerous tornadoes around areas close to us, we have been blessed to have been left out of all of that.

You know those types of days where you're driving with the windows down, and your hair is flowing in the wind? Your face feels clear, you're sure that your eyes are shining, and you're quite possibly the most beautiful and joyful being that ever was?

I've had about a week of that.

In reality, my hair is matted and tangled, because wind does things like that to hair. And my eyes are red and watering, because allergies are BAD right now. My skin is broken out like it usually is, and my stomach hangs over my jeans.

But I FEEL invincible this week. I don't know what it is... or maybe I do, and I just can't explain it. I'm so happy. I have wonderful, supportive friends and family, and I'm preparing to marry my best friend. This is a truly wonderful time. I've got some bittersweet thoughts running through my head, too, but it's a back-burner type of thing. Maybe I'll write about that, later.

So here are the highlights: antiquing, nature center, Buffy the Vampire reading, Wahoo with my future family, Anthony "teaching" Avery how to walk at 2 months, getting my tattoo touched up (FREE!), getting my nose re-pierced (I can take it out in time for the wedding, mom. And I can cover it up for work. Don't freak out.), seeing an incredible puppet show of one of my favorite children's books with my amazing friend, and simply enjoying the trees.. the deer.. the sun.. the grass..

Everything feels pretty good right now. I have bad, bad days, and I write about those a lot. Today's a day for happiness.

Oh, and in case you want to hate yourself, or simply be in AWE of some incredible talent, check out this video. It makes me want to bust out my electric violin... although it wouldn't be nearly this awesome.



Put your ear down close to your soul and listen hard. ~Anne Sexton

Shower Time!

 I hate showers. I like being clean-- don't get me wrong-- but I detest baths/showers/anything that requires me to undress and be soaked and then get dry again in a decent amount of time. I don't even dry off when I get out of the shower. I just walk around sopping wet in a towel until I eventually dry. There is no terry-cloth drying going on for me... (My mother hated this particular quality. "ELIZABETH, THERE ARE PUDDLES. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO DRY OFF?!")

But anyway, showers have their upsides, I suppose. For one thing, whoever invented the shampoo and conditioner PUMPS is a genius. There is almost nothing more annoying when you're in the dreaded shower and you're trying to pick up a plastic bottle that is too big for your hands and you're all wet and slimy with soap and it slips out of your hands and crashes into the tub. Then you get to fish around to find it, if you're me and are blind as a bat without contacts, and then try and muster enough awkward strength to get the stuff out!

ANYWAY, there aren't many distractions in the shower. My phone isn't loud enough to play music, and they haven't invented water-proof books yet. (There is, apparently, a way to water-proof your iPhone for $60?? That will destroy me.) I shower alone (ha), so there's no one to talk to, and I can't make lists in the shower. Therefore, I've eliminated every possible distraction from my thoughts.

These past few weeks, I've had plenty on my mind during shower time. Unfortunately, that leaves time for sad thoughts, scared thoughts, frustrated thoughts, etc. that I can't avoid by distracting myself with anything and everything.

I can go on and on and on with my fears and all, and perhaps I will later on, but for now... I'll just say this:

I go back and forth thinking about previous relationships, dating and other, and it makes my stomach feel weird. I get teary-eyed thinking about the different forms of abandonment and betrayal that I've felt over various people/situations, and I start to question who I am and what made those people leave or hurt me in whatever ways. I then get shaky and fearful that somehow what it is about me that caused them to betray or leave me will be triggered, and I'll wake up one day and Anthony won't be around anymore.

But this feeling doesn't last for long when I look back at words and actions of other people and how they never seemed to align. I can say without question that Anthony is someone whose word is nearly as good as his action. I don't even want to tell you about the many broken promises that I've lived through with other people... But Anthony has stuck by every thing he's said to me, and for that... I can breathe.

I think back about "what went wrong" with other relationships, and it's only now that I can really see that the "me" I was wasn't "me" at all.

So I got out of the shower, and I decided that if Anthony asked ME to be his wife, then I have nothing to worry about, right?

I know that I've got a lot to sort out; after all, marriage is no small decision. I believe in committing for keeps; I don't want to set ourselves up for failure.

I've been doing a lot of crying and evaluating lately, and it's tough to enjoy wedding plans right now. When I posted about the engagement, I mentioned that I wanted to write about the ups and downs of this wedding and all that it will entail.

If I have to hear another, "Well, I'll talk to you in ten years and see how starry-eyed you are... *wink*" I'm going to scream.

For instance, a door slammed the other day, and a lady I don't even know looked at me with a smirk and said, "You'd better get used to that! Men are all the same."

"Men are pigs; men are scum."

Really, people? Can you not just be happy for me? Being married won't be all kicks and giggles, that's for sure-- but I think I've found the person that I want to spend all the sadness and anger and downs with... along with all of said kicks and giggles.

I need people around me that are excited about this. 

Okay. This post was kind of a downer.

BUT, on the upside, Heather is going with me on Monday to try on dresses!!! Holy moly, I'm getting MARRIED!

Ha ;)

His side of the story-- that which is often left untold:

Liz and I met on a cold evening in March of 2010. Writing that out, I can't believe it has been that long, but at the same time it almost feels like longer. I remember the first words I said to her were that she was too pretty to be with the guy she was with at the time. I still think so. I think I had the same first impression of her that most people seem to have. I found her to be someone who was good, attractive, smart, and fun. I spent a fair amount of time with her from the day we first met, and our friendship blossomed into something deeper, and quite beyond our understanding. It wasn't long before our friends were getting mad at us for dating and not realizing that we were dating. I quite stubbornly told them that we were just friends and that the time we spent together was nothing more than two friends hanging out. I kept my feelings hidden from even myself. I enjoyed her presence in my life too much to worry about love.

Then came the day that she told me she was planning on leaving for Texas. I should clarify that I knew she had thought about going back, but this time was different. There was a conviction in her voice like steel and I knew I was going to lose her forever. That evening I finally confronted my own feelings and decided that I could not let her go without a fight. I then set about wooing her with horrible poetry and even worse one liners. It worked like a charm.

The last year has without a doubt been the happiest of my life. People tell me often that I have changed from the person I was before. I had never felt more alive. We traveled, went to concerts, and just lived happily for the last almost 10 months. I had found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and it was wonderful. But how to ask her to spend the rest of her life with me? She was too important to me to just give her the fancy restaurant drop on one knee routine. Also she would have seen that coming and I wanted to surprise her.

Using the holiday as a distraction I quietly bought a ring. Then came the next moment of truth. I had to call her Dad asking him for his blessing. He grilled me over topics of personal philosophy and questioned my resolve, and in the end he graciously granted me his blessing. Relieved, I turned to the next part of my plan. Liz had desired a mandolin for as long as I have known her. I hunted all over town and found a beautiful mandolin sitting in a shop not two miles from my house. My original plan was to place the ring in the mandolin case and then have her open the case to find the mandolin and then I would drop to one knee and ask her to marry me. Things never go according to plan.

I put the mandolin case, with the ring tucked safely inside, into my trunk underneath the camping gear (since if I had wrapped it she would have been able to figure out what it was from its shape). She almost caught me putting it in there, but I quickly pretended to be fixing the straps on the sleeping bags. We made it to my parents' house in Harrison and I snuck out with my father to get the mandolin in the house while my mother distracted her. I told my father the plan, and since I think he was as eager to have Liz as a daughter as I am to have her as a wife, he told everyone we were opening presents on Christmas Eve.

Liz went way overboard on her presents like she told me she had, however I was still blown away by all of them. I got her a few small gifts so she would think that I had gypped her, right before I performed the coup de grace. All the gifts were opened (mostly by me from Liz) and before I knew it, all of the gifts had been opened. I announced that I had one more gift that needed to be opened. I then made my way into my father's study and brought the mandolin wrapped in a blanket.

The expression on Liz's face was something between puzzled and amused. She carefully unwrapped the blanket and I took a seat in the chair across from her. Her face shot to excited delight as she recognized the shape. "You didn't!" were her first words as she discarded the blanket to the floor. Her next words were "If there's just a picture of what I think is in here, I'm going to kill you!" and she began to unzip the case. I was getting more and more nervous by this point. Would she see the ring? Should I go to one knee now? Will she like the ring? A million questions like that went through my head in the time it took her to unzip that case. I caught her delighted face transcend beautifully as she caught sight of the mandolin. She pulled it out with such care and focus that she didn't see the ring. I had to move quickly and I grabbed it just before it got knocked to the floor. My plan was blown, but I had thought of this contingency. I let her appreciate the mandolin for a little then I said:

"Liz I love you more than anything in this world. I can't stand the thought of going through this life without you, and I want you to be my wife." by this point I had dropped to one knee in front of her and opened the box. The mandolin was quickly forgotten as she exclaimed, "Yes!" and I took the ring and placed it on her finger. Turns out I did very well on the ring and I will catch her staring at every once in awhile with this wistful look on her face.

So to sum it up, I totally beat her at Christmas.

Ant Liz

I have some exciting news to share with anyone who still reads my blog. I haven't been on blogger these last couple of months (except to post once or twice), because I still haven't gotten my computer fixed. I'm using Anthony's right now, but his computer doesn't have my pictures, documents, etc.

ANYWAY, that's not the point. The point is... I'm officially going to be "Aunt Liz!" His sister, Amy, and his brother-in-law, Dave, always joke about me being "Ant Liz," almost. Get it... Ant(hony) Liz.... Yeah, I know.

Anyway, I'm engaged!!!! Anthony asked me to be his wife on Christmas Eve. Hopefully this won't be too cliche or annoying, but I'm hoping to document this journey on my blog. I want to keep my other posts, of course, but I have a feeling that this wedding business will be all-consuming for a while.

I want to share some of my ideas, my conflicts, my fears, my excitement... and I also want to share his perspective, along with some of my bridesmaids. I'll see how that goes...


But for now-- here's the story, from my side.

I didn't get to go home for Christmas this year. I was really disappointed, but I was looking forward to spending it with Anthony's family in Harrison, AK. We all opened Christmas presents on Christmas Eve and I was so excited for Anthony to get his. I OWNED Christmas this year, as far as he is concerned. Or so I thought.. Ha. I was super proud of myself, and I didn't try to hide it.

He had given me a wooden owl box, an owl coin purse, and an owl notebook. But then LO AND BEHOLD he comes out of his dad's office with this oddly shaped thing wrapped in a red blanket.

I open it up and it's a case. (I've been eyeing a mandolin foreverrrrrr!) I look at him and tell him that if it's not what I think it is, I'm going to be super mad. It was a gorgeous mandolin. I was ecstatic!! I start strumming it, blah blah blah.

Well evidently, the ring box was in the case. I didn't see it, obviously. Still without my knowing, he sneaks the box out of the case.

I'm still strumming along and sort of bouncing up and down with excitement.

As I'm playing, Anthony starts saying something about how much he loves me... how he wants to spend his life with me... And I'm thinking, "He is being super forward right now, for all of his family being here..." So I look over at him, and he's on one knee holding out a gorgeous ring.

He asked me to be his wife, and with a screech/ugly sound, I said, "yes."

His entire family knew, as did mine (he asked my dad a few weeks ago), and out of those people, there's a professional photographer/blogger and an Instagram/semi-famous social networking photographer. AND NO ONE GOT A PHOTO. I'm slightly irritated... ;)







Anyway, we're going to get married this summer, and I can hardly contain myself.

We went on our first date as an engaged couple last night, and we decided to go see Sherlock Holmes. It was amazing, despite our hesitation after seeing the bad reviews. Our recommendation-- it's worth it! We liked it better than the first movie. .



It's been an incredible journey of healing and growing and everything in-between.

I hope that you all had a Merry Christmas, and I'll see you next year with some resolutions!