Here's to 2012!

It's January 1st! That means reflecting on the past year and planning for the new one.

Here is a snapshot of last year's post:

A lot of people are recapping the previous year, but for me, I really do not care to look back. A lot of personal decline occurred during 2010, along with a lot of deceit and broken promises. I will not allow these events to define who I am becoming. It's just a year, and I hopefully have many more in front of me!

"If I could do it all again,

I'd go back and change everything.

But time won't let me go."

My goals from last year weren't very specific, but they focused on loving myself, loving others, finding a spiritual home, getting healthy (emotionally and physically), etc. I think I did pretty well with loving myself and loving others, but I didn't do so well with finding a spiritual home. I got healthier, I think, but that needs a lot of improvement. EMOTIONALLY, I grew leaps and bounds. I said goodbye to several unhealthy relationships, and I grew, grew, grew. 

So here are a few highlights from my highly eventful year:

JANUARY 

I learned to play the folk harp. I also started painting. I'm not very good at either, but these were very healing things for me.

FEBRUARY

I got my third tattoo!! It is my grandmother's signature made out of a spool of thread. (photo credit: Amy) Anthony and I also went to see Interpol in St. Louis, which was my Christmas present to him a year ago.

 

MARCH

Anthony and I started dating on March 18, 2011. We got fish. :)

APRIL

We went to Harrison, AK to spend Easter with Ant's family. It was a really nice time.

 MAY

I spent a lot of time with Amy and Dave... without sunblock. My shoulders blistered, and it SUCKED.

JUNE

A sweet, sweet friend of mine at the nursing home passed away. (I got permission from her son to post her photo.) I spoke at her funeral, and it was an extremely rough time for me.

I also turned 21! Ant and I went to Texas to visit my family. But before we went... he took me to see Mumford & Sons in Kansas City. IT WAS PHENOMENAL.

 JULY

We went to Corpus Christie for the 4th of July. We spent the holiday with both mine and Anthony's family. It was a short trip, but worth everything.

AUGUST

I graduated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SEPTEMBER

We got parakeets!! And also... they can fly. They got loose today, and Antho saved the day. ha 

I also started playing WoW, much to Anthony's delight.

OCTOBER

We went camping, I dressed as Flo for Halloween, Lindsey and Brenden had their birthdays.... it was awesome. I love fall.

 NOVEMBER

Evan turned 16! My family came from San Antonio, and Antho's family came from Arkansas to celebrate Thanksgiving with us. 

DECEMBER

Sweet Avery Claire was born!!! And Anthony asked me to be his wife. :) :) :) :) :) It was a wonderful month.

And now it is January. Here are a few goals:


1. NOT become a bridezilla
2. Become a good wife to Anthony
3. Successfully move and find a new job in San Antonio
4. Get into graduate school
5. Read more
6. Get even healthier
7. Find a church home
8. Learn to play the mandolin


Happy New Year, everyone!!!

I've decided that I like myself pretty well.

So I'm learning more and more about myself all of the time.

And I'm happy to say that I like myself more and more. That's probably a good thing.

Anyway, I was taking a shower this morning and decided that my next goal is to be content. This ties in with my last couple of posts. I'm really going to try and give up my "worrying" habit. This is going to be insanely difficult, but I want to be from worry and anxiety. I've had panic attacks in the past revolving around a certain stress, and I'm not interested in keeping that around.

1. I finally blocked a jerk from my Facebook today. He wanted to be friends and I was doing my best, but I don't even like him. Why am I bothering? Well, I'm not anymore.

2. I've been on a dating site for the last couple of months. It was a nice confidence boost after being torn down from my previous relationship, but that's about it. I don't want it anymore. There are a few pending messages at the moment, but as soon as that's wrapped up, I'm out of there.
And yes, this was embarrassing to admit. I was on a dating site. Admitted.

I know that these are small steps, but they are steps forward, I think.

I'm okay with who I am. There are some things I'd like to change, of course, but overall, I like me. So, this is going to be a time of refining myself.

If a relationship develops, great. If not, I don't really care at this point.
If I stay in Missouri after graduation, fine. If I move to San Antonio, fine. If I move to Egypt, fine.
If I go straight to grad school, great. If I decide to take a break, great.

I'm okay with the way that things are. I have goals, dreams, etc., but for now, I'm okay with "me."

As I've been thinking about these things, some wonderful songs come to mind:
"It is well with my soul." (I couldn't find a version I liked well enough, but I'm sure you know the hymn.)
And of course, The Beatles.






On a lighter note, here's a quick list of frivolous things that I am not going to give up unless I have to:

• mulled cider candles. (A huge one from Walmart costs $5 and it smells amazing. It relaxes me and helps me to feel at peace.)
• hair dye (I feel awesome when I get my hair dyed. Even if it's a $3 box that I apply myself.)
• protein smoothies on Wednesdays (Wednesdays are really tough days for me. These smoothies are under 200 calories and take me twenty minutes to drink. Seriously, it makes my Wednesdays bearable.)
• Burt's Bees Chapstick (It's $3 a tube and I constantly lose them, but they make my lips feel awesome.)
• canvases (I'm not a good painter, but I do love to paint.)
• good toilet paper (I'll pay an extra buck for the extra cushion.)
• sherbet (No one understands how much I adore this delightful substance.)

Cheers.

Time Won't Let Me Go

A lot of people are recapping the previous year, but for me, I really do not care to look back. A lot of personal decline occurred during 2010, along with a lot of deceit and broken promises. I will not allow these events to define who I am becoming. It's just a year, and I hopefully have many more in front of me!

"If I could do it all again,

I'd go back and change everything.

But time won't let me go."

BUT
I would like to highlight, quickly, some good things from the previous year, so as not to lose perspective.
- Elena, and later, Cameron, have provided the friendship that I desperately needed.
- My family has proven their love for me over, and over, and over again.
- I think I may have learned some of what it means to forgive myself and others.

SO NOW
I do want to semi-publicly mention some goals that I have for the upcoming year. Although I think it's silly that people feel like this day is the day to change things, since we should always be watching for ways to improve, it is a nice solid day to start. After all, it is a new year.

Okay, here it goes.

My top priority is health. Physical health, emotional health, spiritual health, etc. 
     Physical health: I just bought the iPhone and downloaded the "MyFitnessPal" app that will help me choose foods that are high in protein and iron (both of which my body does not have enough of). I also would like to lose some weight, since I think that I will feel physically better if I shed a few pounds. I'll probably look better, too.. Ha. I also have a gym membership, and with my new school schedule, it's going to be a real chore trying to fit it in. But I am going to go. I'm also going to try and cook more. I live by myself, so this is another thing that will be difficult. But I'll just have to eat the same thing for a week, lol.
     Emotional health: I am going to spend time with people that I care about. For instance, I need to budget my money especially well this semester if I plan to fly to Wyoming for spring break. This is something that I want, and something that I probably need, so I need to make it happen. I'm going to spend time with Anthony, because he is a good person. And he is funny. Laughter is very, very important for emotional health. I'm going to keep up what I'm doing at work, because my job is especially good for me. 
     Spiritual health: I am a Christian. Sometimes the concept of "religion" or "church" bothers me, so I stopped going for a while. (honesty...) I attend Hope Community Church and I am going to make a true effort to go when I can. This means not sleeping past the service time, etc. I also want to get involved, somehow, whether it be in the young adult class, or perhaps getting involved with the youth group. But I am going to surround myself with people that know love. And by love, I mean the love. I'll probably blog about "love" at a later date. I even have a tattoo to prove my dedication to love! (Haha.)


My next priority is love. 
I want to show love to people in every way that I can. I want to be a better friend and daughter/sister/cousin/niece/blahblahblah. I can be better! I don't think I'm bad at this, necessarily, but I don't want to simply stop at "okay." 
I don't want to gossip anymore. Especially at work. This is going to be hard!! 
I need to show respect to authority in a more visible manner, and I want to be someone who is respected. 


My (probably not) last priority is stability. 
I need to keep on a schedule that has room for flexibility... I sound like my dad: "Plan to be spontaneous!"
I want to keep my apartment consistently clean, so that if I have people over it is not dependent on the cleanliness of my home. It will also help me not to procrastinate with studying, since I seem to get on a cleaning streak whenever I have schoolwork to do. 
I want to plan better for studying, because in all honesty, I did not do very well last semester.
With my first priority of health, I think the emotional stability will come with time. 


Okay, and maybe for fun, I'd like to make a point to do things I enjoy...
Like, read!!! I love to read! And I don't do it enough. I'm going to make this an "easy" goal, since I do have a lot of reading associated with school. I am going to read (at least) one book a month, for FUN. 
I'm also really liking a lot of new indie music, and I want to discover (at least) one new artist a month, but not necessarily confined to indie artists.

So, I think that hits the main points. I will take my vitamins, go to the gym, love, clean and read. The end.