check or carry

I ran across this link when I was scrolling through Smart, Pretty & Awkward...
and I love this.

Go ahead... give it a whirl. We've all got it; and if we don't right this very moment.. someone does, right?

What could be an anchor here, 
with a storm on the rise, 
when you never meant to see so clear, 
when smoke gets in your eyes? 
And the man in the moon 
never makes his replies understood.

I've got my life in a suitcase, I'm ready to run, run, run away...
I've got no time, 'cause I'm always trying to run, run, run away.
'Cause everyday in here feels like it's only a game.

For a moment I was one man and the world made sense, 
for a moment in this storm made of consequence

By the time you've found your way,
you've gotta run right back to the start
Don't think you've lost
You've gotta run right back to the start


- Copeland

<from a previous blog post of mine>

I lied, kinda

Okay, I lied. Here's something I can post without needing my computer.

Here are some of my favorite holiday songs from some of my favorite bands; comment with links to yours! I love finding new versions of old things:

everybody knows that you break your neck to keep your chin up

So I just typed up this huge, long post about.. stuff. I felt like I was rambling, and I couldn't even form the right sentences to make my brain make sense.

And this is super nerdy, but I sort of wish that Harry Potter was a real life thing, because I want one of those pensive things. I can't scoop "life" into a box and unpack it whenever I want to. And the lame thing about me is that my memory is about as good as nothing.

Sometimes, there's a moment, and you want to keep it forever. It's one of those happy/sad things, because you're so happy to be in that moment, but you're quickly realizing that the moment will eventually cease to exist, and that's that. You can try and recreate those feelings, and you can even describe them fairly well to those around you, but you can't MAKE them feel what you felt for the same reasons that you ever felt them.

PHEW.

But sometimes there are gross, sticky feelings in your stomach that make you want to vomit all of your thoughts and thinks... along with any leftover food that might be in there... And sometimes you want other people to do that with you, so you don't feel so alone. (RIGHT? Please affirm me.)

You know, because sometimes life doesn't seem fair. It doesn't even necessarily have to be unfair toward you-- because sometimes, horrible things happen to OTHER people, and you don't know how to handle it.

Sometimes these situations make you want to give the world a good shaking. And sometimes you want to yell at God because you don't understand why bad things happen to good people... and normal people, for that matter.

And yeah, you can acknowledge all of the typical answers to your deep, philosophical thoughts, but that's simply not enough.

So maybe, if you're like me, you put together a playlist that maybe expresses those inexpressible thoughts in a way that makes you feel like you're perhaps feeling the right things at the right time about the horrible things that you can do nothing about.

(thanks, Suzy, for introducing me to Grooveshark)

When I can't speak for myself

What could be an anchor here, 
with a storm on the rise, 
when you never meant to see so clear, 
when smoke gets in your eyes? 
And the man in the moon 
never makes his replies understood.

I've got my life in a suitcase, I'm ready to run, run, run away...
I've got no time, 'cause I'm always trying to run, run, run away.
'Cause everyday in here feels like it's only a game.

For a moment I was one man and the world made sense, 
for a moment in this storm made of consequence

By the time you've found your way,
you've gotta run right back to the start
Don't think you've lost
You've gotta run right back to the start


- Copeland

Life via music

I have been thinking a lot about music, lately, and it led me to go on YouTube and try and find the songs that define certain periods of my life. I know this might be kinda lame, but hey, it's MY blog, and I'll do what I want! Haha. Anyway, if you like music, or you like to see how music can exist alongside a person's life, have fun listening to all of this music.
I find healing in music, so I'm going to consider this blog post a part of my own personal healing.
Enjoy!


When I was 14, I "dated" a guy that introduced me to Sum 41. I LOVED them. I was always blasting this song, and looking back, it sorta fits with being a young teenager.
"I don't wanna waste my time, become another casualty of society. I'll never fall in line, become another victim of your conformity and back down."

This same boyfriend of mine introduced me to Beck, as well. I can still sing all of the lyrics to this particular song.
"And my time is a piece of wax fallin’ on a termite, who's chokin’ on the splinters. Soy un perdedor: I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?"

Ah, yes. Muse. Thanks again, Andrew for having Rhapsody and burning me so many cds all through high school. This is still one of my favorite bands. I always feel empowered when I listen to them.
"And our time is running out, you can't push it underground, you can't stop it screaming out. How did it come to this?"

And then comes the soundtrack to Pirates. Senior year of high school, our orchestra played selections from all three of the movies. It was amazing, and I was definitely proud to have been the one to suggest it. I was also dating a guy that loved the arrangement, and this particular track sort of became "ours." Hans Zimmer is a beast!!

The first semester of college was terrible. But this song represented the best summer of my life with my church, and the youth band I was in played this song in front of the whole church. I can honestly say that I sang this song over, and over, and over again to remind myself that I was not alone, no matter how much I felt that way. I still listen to this song, at times, but it's almost painful to hear it, as that period of my life hurt so terribly.

Oh boy... Keane. I love this band, so much. This specific song was played on repeat during that first year of college when things were rough. I still have to watch myself when I listen to this kind of music, because I tend to really feel music, so this mellow/depressing stuff can get to me, at times.
"Sometimes it's hard to know where I stand, it's hard to know where I am. Well maybe it's a puzzle I don't understand. Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm stranded in the wrong time, where love is just a lyric in a children's rhyme, a soundbite."

Christian had me listen to this cd and then told me that this song reminded him of me. I felt so loved and cherished at that time, and I listened to the song countless times. Now that the relationship is behind me, the song makes me sad, despite how much I like the band.
"And it's a very special thing. She makes the people clap and sing. And my baby makes me happy all the time, all the time."

When I heard "Fireflies" on the radio, I laughed at this band; however, Jonny, Cameron, and Elena would always listen to the cd in Cam's truck, so I came to really love the lyrics to some of the songs. This song reminds me of last winter, when our "group" of five would drink cinnamon hot chocolate, smoke hookah, and play music. It was a good time in my life, and every time I hear this song, I feel like I'm actually driving in the snow, shivering, and feeling God all around me.
"I am not my own, for I have been made new-- please don't let me go; I desperately need You."



Now this song will ALWAYS remind me of my best friend, Elena. I love her so very, very much. She randomly bought this cd in Barnes and Noble one time and she kept it in her computer foreverrrrrr. Now I love this band!

I absolutely love this band, and I refuse to let it become associated with a bad time in my life.  I saw them live this last August and it was phenomenal. I feel super awesome whenever I hear them... Haha. :)



I obviously love this band, too, but I hadn't even heard of them until this summer. I get flashbacks to horrible roommates and bad decisions whenever I decide to listen to the cd, but I absolutely love the music. I selected this song specifically, because the lyrics kinda fit with my roommates and my ex and how their perceptions of things were so skewed as a result of certain substances... Haha.

"You party every night until your body goes snap. She don't wanna be with you when you're actin' like that: all drunk, no shame, decided to change your name. You lose, you lose, you lose. Oh, all your inhibitions-- who's gonna take it home tonight?"

This band will always remind me of Cameron. Good times! Their lyrics are incredibly powerful, and this song is absolutely beautiful, despite the fact that it is also super depressing. It fits with my circumstances from three months ago, which is when I listened to it over... and over... and overrrrr again.
"Back to where we started, losing who we were, maybe we should only tip a bottle back to keep us filled up. Back to where we started, losing who we were, everybody knows that you’d break your neck to keep your chin up."

The Rocket Summer has been my friend for yeaaaars. Every once in a while I find myself listening to them again, and these last few months I've listened to a lot of music that reminds me of who I am. I am good enough has been my mantra (haha, mantra.. @mom and Elena) this semester.
"Everybody's hurting, everybody knows it. Are you trying to stop it? Everyone's watching, what are you going to do? Are you trying to stop it? Everyone's watching, everyone is conversing, everyone's listening. Oh yeah they were a part, he was a part, she was a part of it. Oh falling apart... is anyone watching, is anyone listening? Are we listening?"


Lastly, I've been on a Paramore kick. This is a shout-out to Christian and a reminder to myself that I am okay, I am moving on, I am not defined by anyone, and I am continuing to grow and become who I actually was made to be.
"I could follow you to the beginning and just relive the start. And maybe then we'll remember to slow down to all of our favorite parts.. All I wanted was you."

Okay maybe this is the last one... Mannheim Steamroller: God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.
This was the exact arrangement that I played at Christmas with the orchestra every year... I love it. This makes me want to bust out zee violeeeen and get my Christmas on. (1:42 is my favorite part!)
Speaking of music and Christmas, I REALLY WANT TO GO SEE TRANS-SIBERIAN ORCHESTRA!!!!!

Cheers, all. :)