rocket summer

So there's this artist... Bryce Avary. He writes and produces and plays every song on his albums. It's like Reliant K, Ben Folds, Michael Jackson, and Bradley Hathaway had a weird encounter and they had a peculiar but awesome baby.

My favorite band is Mumford & Sons. Muse and Keane are my longest loves, and I really love music along the lines of Band of Horses, Radical Face, Vampire Weekend... Fleet Foxes, The Killers, The Kooks, Maroon 5, Modest Mouse, The Beatles, The Beach Boys, OK Go!, Temper Trap, etc. I could go on FOREVER, because I have music for every emotion.

I'm usually pretty picky with the voices of the singers I listen to. I don't really like the whiny voices... but I also am not a huge fan of the really drawn out voices. (knowwhatimean?) But the most important thing to me are is the LYRICS. I'm a musician, so of course the mechanics of the music is essential-- I mean, I have to feel it... BUT, the lyrics play a huge, huge role in my affections.

So back to the Rocket Summer. His voice is a little strange... And his lyrics jump from super random to taking a poky stick to my heart and playing STABSTABSTAB with it.... and then back to an odd variation of simplicity.

I don't know what he does, but I've loved this music since I was 15 and it has continued to be my go-to playlist. It doesn't matter what mood I'm in... this will give me my fix of anything.

He's optimistic, he's authentic, he's blunt.... he's just amazing. I wish that I could meet him.



 I wouldn't know,

Just how sweet this tastes now,
No, if at first I did not go,
Through bitter times, Through bitter places,
I stay alert for new battles
But for now, we're here.

Say you're with me,
There's gold ahead, there's golden dreams
In life's hills and valleys,
Yeah will you hold on with me.

The rest is right, the rest is wrong.
The rest will come when it comes along.
The rest will find us, we belong here.

So, hey, be nice to the Japanese exchange students,
Cause' people wouldn't know them, right when they show up,
And they have found yourself in a similar place
Where you found you looked around and just saw loads of empty space.
And you were thinking how you don't know them,
like they don't know you.
It's a lonely feeling after all that you do.
Got a good heart, got a good soul, what must I do to prove it anymore?
I got friends in high and low places,
and it's all the same to me.

I love the Japanese, I love the Japanese,
those from Japan and overseas.
I love the Japanese, do you love the Japanese?
Those from Japan and overseas,
Those from Japan and overseas, like me.

It's desert dry, but I will-
Wait a second I see words that you promised me.
Seeking diligently, bring the rain, bring the rain.
I will wait, wait, I will wait for you.
This is a refuge, this is hope.
This is a refuge, this is love.
Forget lies that lead you away from home, because this is a refuge, this is love

 I don't wanna look back on all my years
Recollecting the mistakes that then will be clear
About how I ran and chased a place my whole life
Then come aware that I was there
I was there.




"Hey, How's it going?"
"Good, and how are you?"
"Good."
Do you ever wonder how much that isn't true?
Will you help me out if you can?
I'll take you as you are,
Please just take me as I am.

Stop fearing death,
I want something to live for.
I've been holding my breath,
I want something to live for.
Because when the deaf feel the sound,
I want something to live for.
I want to make you proud,
I want something to live for.

she may be young but she only likes old things

Go ahead and listen to this song while you're reading, if you're going to do that.



[Finally we have seen some things 

Some awfully nice
Some dreadfully bad 
But we will sing 
Wash the blood off our knees
Cause our love breaks through rough seas our ship will sail
And I don't understand how this world would work
Cause time will tell us nothing
I'll take a chance on something

Feeling old, feelings this time take you 
Down river, down river, down river, down
Walk these stairs, put the pieces back together 
Go don't stop, go don't stop, go don't stop now, go

Finally, we have seen some things 
But bells in your hallways
Don't move you in the right place
So we will sing, cast our hopes out to sea
Though our hearts break, through violent winds our ship will sail
And I don't understand how this world would work
Cause time will tell us nothing
I'll take a chance on something

Feeling old, feelings this time take you
Down river, down river, down river, down
Walk these stairs, put the pieces back together
Go don't stop, go don't stop, go don't stop 
Go don't stop now, go.... ]

Work has been rough lately, and that has nothing to do with what I'm going to talk about. I guess I just wanted to say that. I've been given a promotion of sorts, and it comes with some stresses that are rather unrelated to the actual work that I'm going to be doing. But that aside, I work with a population of people that tend to be very, very depressed. I mean, who wouldn't be? No matter how nice a nursing home is, it is still what it is. I'm so glad that my grandma got to live with us, but not everyone is that fortunate.

I don't want to get old. I love the elderly, but I don't want to become one of them. (See, "one of them." They are separate from me, at least according to that sentence. That bothers me.)
Anyway, there is a particular lady that baffles me. One minute, my heart can be breaking for her, while another minute, I have no sympathy for her. You see, she's a bitter woman. She's depressed; she hates everything about the nursing home. But we have a great time together! Most of the time she likes me, so we have good conversations and share a lot of laughs.
Well today, she was on a rant. We had a looooooong conversation, and I ended up talking to her very frankly. It's always a gamble when I do this, because people will either respect how blunt I am, or they will be offended and shut me out. Fortunately, she listened. (I think...)

It all came down to a cliche: Life is what you make of it.

Yeah, I know. It's a cliche. And I'm the one who could really benefit from this particular cliche a lot of the time. I always have something to whine about.

In spite of my hypocrisy, I told this crabby woman that she needs to stop with the pessimism. "Yeah, the clock in this room is nice, BUT it's ridiculously huge, and it took an entire year to get it in here." I cut her off before she could go any further, and I told her to simply stop at "The clock in this room is nice." Leave off the rest of it! I don't care about the rest of your sentence. There's no point to it, and honestly, I don't want to listen to it anymore.

I can go on all day about how Texas is so much better than Missouri, but if I dwell on those differences, I'm going to be miserable as long as I am here. What's the point in that? Instead, I've tried looking at all of the things that I enjoy about Missouri while I'm driving to work. I listen to music that I enjoy and revel in the fact that Springfield is 7 degrees cooler than San Antonio. I pass Bambu and realize that I enjoyed boba tea for the first time here and not there. I met Anthony in Springfield, not San Antonio. I graduated from college here. I got a wonderful job here. These things happened here. I am here, not there. Maybe I'll be "there" some day, but for now I'm here. We'll lose years comparing here to there if we're not careful. From the post before this one, "It's the here and the now and the love for the sound of the moments that keep us moving." (The Temper Trap)

It's okay to visit the sad/depressed/unhappy places, because after all, we're human. (Hearts need a mind, like a clock needs the time, like white needs black - The Rocket Summer) But we can't live there!!

I rambled for a few minutes about this and that, and I really thought that I had lost her. She looked shocked for a few seconds, but then she laughed. "Liz, I need you around me all day."

I was surprised that she took my soap box speech so well, but hey- sometimes words spill out for a reason. Did my rant do any long-term good? Perhaps it did not, but at least she'll be thinking about it for a little while.

I don't want to be bitter.

So chin up, buttercup:











And now, out of "14,000 things to be happy about," here are a few:


- the color of an old brown library sofa
- recipe chests
- knowing the correct pronunciation
- fall foliage
- cotton clouds
- schizocarps: the wing-like single seeds that fall from maple trees
- phytoplankton
- serotonin


I know, I know, I'm rambling. I seem to always do that. But maybe this is the good kind.

I'll take you as you are; please, just take me as I am.

And lately the weather
has been so bipolar
and consequently so have I
...

And its funny how you find
you enjoy your life
when you're happy to be alive

-Relient K

I've been pretty melancholy, lately. This state of being comes around every now and then. Perhaps it's due to the realization that spring break is OVER, or maybe it's just an overall "reality." I took my personality test again, and I am still an INFJ. I fit into the category of being an "idealist."

1.	belief in or pursuance of ideals
2.	the tendency to represent things in their ideal forms, rather than as they are

[If you're interested, take this test. I think it's pretty accurate. I am wary of some personality tests, but this one has remained constant, at least for me. I asked Anthony to take it yesterday to prove/disprove what my guess was, and I was right!! He is definitely an INTJ. I was so proud. (haha) It's really not that hard to guess what people "are," once you understand the test, but I am still proud. I'd be interested to know what you all score!]

But sometimes, I'm also a realist. I think that it's when my idealist tendencies clash with my own reality that I become melancholy. This idealist portion of me is probably why I stayed with my ex-boyfriend for so long. I knew how things were and how they could be, based upon what they used to be. If you don't know what I am referring to, read this post. I finally blocked his number. For those of you who have been through what I have, I hope you can understand why this deliberate act was extremely difficult. I think that is what may have set my "mood" off. 

According to one of my professors, feelings can be described as "emotion with a memory." I think I agree with this. Memory is a powerful thing. This is why smelling a scent associated with a certain time period can be painful. (or nostalgic, etc.) This is why seeing my ex is painful. He looks the same on the outside, but it's as soon as he opens his mouth that I can remember that he is no longer who he used to be; however, this can be manipulated. Words are powerful, too, after all. Isn't life complicated, sometimes? 

(I miss my nose ring. I hope that I have a job some day that allows me to have piercings. I love them.)

Now, I want you to read these lyrics. For any person that has grown up AT ALL, ever, this should make sense to you. I know that I'm pretty young, so maybe most of you have finished "growing up," but I'm okay with admitting that I am an ever-changing being. I'd like to think that this is a positive thing, but there are days like today/yesterday that make me miss who I once was.

Once I was fearless, going up against the world,

optimistic, seeing all the reasons for...

Crept through the darkness, I could live through anything.

Where, where did it go?

I wanna feel it, like I did back then, but more.

I really need it, more than I've ever before.

I believed in oh oh,

Where, where did it go?

Hey, how's it going?

Good.

And how are you?

Good.

Often do you wonder how much that isn't true?

Will you help me out if you can?

I'll take you as you are, please take me as I am.

- The Rocket Sumer

Oh, and please check out Amy's blog. She did a great job of documenting her weekend, which coincidentally is the essence of my own weekend. :)

I went to Jeremy Larson's concert on Saturday night, and it really got me thinking about music again. That, combined with messing around with instruments on Friday (and my friend's funeral) has really been weighing on me. I need music.

Music, defined from my class/textbook (Music and Soul Making by Barbara Crowe):

- George Crumb: "a system of proportions in service of the spiritual"

- Standard: "organized sound for human expression"

- 1940s: "the organization of sound and silence for human expression

- one related to complexity science: "a living movement of expanding information"

I believe that music is connected to our souls. Our physical selves are simply manifestations of our souls. Mind, body, emotion, soul-- these make up our "selves."

"Issues of spirit are deeply personal and relate to our essential wholeness as a human being." (notes from class)

These issues of spirit have a need to be expressed:

1. Belonging and need for affiliation

2. Need for play

3. Need for creativity

4. Need for quality of life (self-esteem, fulfillment, freedom, happiness)

5. Need for spirituality and religion (a spiritual system)

This is why I like to paint, worship, read, run, write, blog, etc.!

(These things go along pretty well with your typical psychology theories. We, humans, have a need for these things. We yearn for companionship and understanding.)

"If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think and see my life in terms of music."

- Albert Einstein

"Music is an energy field-- which affects and interacts with the human energy fields."

- Unified Field Theory

So, those thoughts aside, here are a couple of things that made me happy yesterday:

Anthony got this book signed for me this weekend! I am so excited to start reading it again, but it will probably have to wait until summer. Oh well.

Heather and I "studied" last night and it was an extremely good release for me. I love her! (I also love butterfinger ice cream and peanut butter ice cream. Haha.)

I know that my posts are sporadic, especially when I am "melancholy." I do love that some of you actually read my posts. I hope that I make sense to you, and that maybe, just maybe, you feel what I feel... sometimes. 

Cheers. :)

There is too much "awesome" for me to keep to myself

Yes, this is a post FULL of videos. 

They are very funny. You will love them.

Okay, I love my MacBook and my iPhone... but this is too good.

(Check out theawesomer.com. You will laugh so hard. As Anthony said, you will watch something and be like, "That's so awesome." It's true.)

I love this movie! And I do love to laugh. 

Anthony sent me a text yesterday that read, "I never saw you get giggly before you started being around them. It makes me happy."

It's true! I lost my laughs for a while, but they're BAAACCCKKK!! I'm a giggler, I admit.

Heather introduced me to these two videos. Oh my gracious I laughed so hard. I'm not perfect when it comes to grammar/spelling/vocabulary/whatever, but sometimes I think like this guy does, and it makes me happy when I know other people are like me.

This next one is just funny.

And now, for some awesome quotes that I've picked up in the last few days:

"Women sit or move to and fro, some old, some young.

The young are beautiful--but the old are more beautiful than the young."

--Walt Whitman

(thanks, Heather)

"When you pick up a book and read a thousand lines, but you don't really read,you just move your eyes."

-- The Rocket Summer

(Okay, just think about it. We all do this... He's brilliant!!)

"If I was going to marry someone based on the smell of their bathroom, I'd propose to you right now."

-- Cameron

(I'm so flattered.)

Talking about side bangs:

D: There are people here with hair here and here. It looks ridiculous. (pointing to the sides of her face where bangs would be.) There are people on TV with hair like that.

Me: Well, it's the style...

D: Well it's silly.

Me: I don't have my hair that way...

D: Well it's a good thing, because if you did, I would cut it off. It's unsanitary.

Talking about dating Christians, as she is trying to set me up with her second cousin:

D: Would a psychiatrist be a Christian? Probably not-- not with all that they know.

I looked cross-eyed at her:

D: Don't look at me with your eyes crossed.

Me: crosses eyes

D: Stop that! Your eyes are going to get stuck that way, and then what will you do?

Me: You'd still love me.

D: No, I wouldn't. I don't like cross-eyed people.

Talking about painting nails:

D: Your nails look good!

Me: Thanks!!

D: ... for a change.

I gave this little lady a hug at dinner:

P: Would you like something hard?

(every lady at the table starts laughing)

(I turned really red)

(she turned really red)

(she hands me an almond that she couldn't chew because of her dentures)

My life is a constant joke. I love it.

This is also awesome:

(Creative Shadow: by Sawbutter Reddit Top News)

I hope you guys laughed, at least a little. Laughing is so good for you!!

Cheers ;)

Word Vomit

To quote my friend, Smeather Freelman:
I'm waiting for a new blog post. 
We are having withdrawals. ;) 
We are all wondering what is going on in that lil mind of yours. 
Well.... I kind of know. . . but I prefer to read your ramblings anyway.
Ok...I'm done.

Yes. It's been a while. I'm back!This last week has been a whirlwind. 
It was a good whirlwind, up until Tuesday. (That warrants a separate post, given that it's a very happy one!)
Now it's a sad, downward spiral. (That will also be a post for another time. There's too much weight on my heart today to actually put it into words. I need some time for that.)


"Do you feel the weight of the world singing sorrow, or to you is it just not real?
'Cause you got your own things, yeah, we all have our things I guess."


That's life, though. 
Our perceptions of everything are completely relative. I am learning, more and more, how change is definable; however, the definition is ever-changing, depending on whether you are looking forward or looking back. 


"Hearts need a beat, like awake needs asleep,
like a pen needs a page. To learn right, you need a mistake. Hearts need a mind, like a clock needs the time. Like white needs black, if you leave I hope you need to come back."


My biggest issue, lately, will be blogged about at a later time. But here's a hint, since I'm sure you're dying to know (ha ha)what's been on my mind:
"But keep on preaching, preaching and heal the world-- lip service makes us look great."


But you know what, everyone is so very similar; it is unreal. 
Some days we all just feel unsettled. You know, like your soul is out of sync with something.


"I wanna feel everything, when everything feels wrong with me. Take a look and brace myself; everybody wants to make it count."


And finally, back to love. As a Christian, my main focus is love. I am learning to love myself and others. Loving myself has needed the most work. But I am finding that I can love people better when I value myself.
On that note, chew on this:


"Everybody's hurting.
Everybody knows it.
Are you trying to stop it?
Everyone's watching.
What are you gonna do?

Are you trying to stop it? Everyone's watching.
Everyone is conversing. Everyone's listening.
Oh, yeah they were a part.
He was a part and she was a part of it
Oh, falling apart, is anyone watching?
Is anyone listening? Are we listening?

And all I have is all of me.
And it's all that I can give.
Our disappointed hearts will heal.
Our hearts will spill
Over you, over me, over this."


I know that this blog has been full of lyrics, but sometimes I communicate via the words of other people. That's why I like blogging so much. I like to hear other people. And sometimes things are worth repeating. (If you've liked the quotes, check out The Rocket Summer. I am personally not a fan of his voice, but his words are powerful.)


Also, I have been horrible at keeping up with my blog list, lately, so I promise that I will be back to the "world," soon.

"They told me that my past was not something God wanted to amputate. He wanted to cast a new light on it so that my life would have new meaning. He wanted to restore it so that it would become useful to him and to others. If I tried to deny that shadow in my life, the truth of it would be useful to no one. When God's people were rescued from great suffering, he commanded them to remember it. He asked them to make altars and feast days and memorials so that they would not forget-- not only their rescue, but what they were rescued from. And who rescued them."


_________________________


On a completely different note, I need some help.
I am getting my third tattoo on Saturday. It is going to have something to do with my grandma. She passed away when I was sixteen; she lived with my family for eleven years. She is the main reason that I love the elderly. My "line of work" is, in a way, a sort of "thank you" to her. 
I'm thinking about getting her full name, her initials, or her nickname (Ginny) somewhere on my body. I also have a letter from her that she signed. I could get that blown up a little bit and they could tattoo her "signature." Is that creepy? What should I do?! 
And where should I put it?! I don't want it to be incredibly obvious, since I don't know what my future jobs are going to look like. I also don't want it in a place where I'm going to be stretching. (haha)
Here are my current tattoos:

And also, I have the chance to buy tickets to see Interpol in again in Kansas City in April, Of Montreal in Kansas in May, Explosions in the Sky in Columbia in April, U2 in St. Louis in July, and Ra Ra Riot in Columbia in March. 

Which do I pick?!?! And who is going with me?!

GIVE ME YOUR ADVICE!

Alright, people. You asked for a blog post, and now you've got one. You better have read it. ;)

Cheers!