I'll take you as you are; please, just take me as I am.

And lately the weather
has been so bipolar
and consequently so have I
...

And its funny how you find
you enjoy your life
when you're happy to be alive

-Relient K

I've been pretty melancholy, lately. This state of being comes around every now and then. Perhaps it's due to the realization that spring break is OVER, or maybe it's just an overall "reality." I took my personality test again, and I am still an INFJ. I fit into the category of being an "idealist."

1.	belief in or pursuance of ideals
2.	the tendency to represent things in their ideal forms, rather than as they are

[If you're interested, take this test. I think it's pretty accurate. I am wary of some personality tests, but this one has remained constant, at least for me. I asked Anthony to take it yesterday to prove/disprove what my guess was, and I was right!! He is definitely an INTJ. I was so proud. (haha) It's really not that hard to guess what people "are," once you understand the test, but I am still proud. I'd be interested to know what you all score!]

But sometimes, I'm also a realist. I think that it's when my idealist tendencies clash with my own reality that I become melancholy. This idealist portion of me is probably why I stayed with my ex-boyfriend for so long. I knew how things were and how they could be, based upon what they used to be. If you don't know what I am referring to, read this post. I finally blocked his number. For those of you who have been through what I have, I hope you can understand why this deliberate act was extremely difficult. I think that is what may have set my "mood" off. 

According to one of my professors, feelings can be described as "emotion with a memory." I think I agree with this. Memory is a powerful thing. This is why smelling a scent associated with a certain time period can be painful. (or nostalgic, etc.) This is why seeing my ex is painful. He looks the same on the outside, but it's as soon as he opens his mouth that I can remember that he is no longer who he used to be; however, this can be manipulated. Words are powerful, too, after all. Isn't life complicated, sometimes? 

(I miss my nose ring. I hope that I have a job some day that allows me to have piercings. I love them.)

Now, I want you to read these lyrics. For any person that has grown up AT ALL, ever, this should make sense to you. I know that I'm pretty young, so maybe most of you have finished "growing up," but I'm okay with admitting that I am an ever-changing being. I'd like to think that this is a positive thing, but there are days like today/yesterday that make me miss who I once was.

Once I was fearless, going up against the world,

optimistic, seeing all the reasons for...

Crept through the darkness, I could live through anything.

Where, where did it go?

I wanna feel it, like I did back then, but more.

I really need it, more than I've ever before.

I believed in oh oh,

Where, where did it go?

Hey, how's it going?

Good.

And how are you?

Good.

Often do you wonder how much that isn't true?

Will you help me out if you can?

I'll take you as you are, please take me as I am.

- The Rocket Sumer

Oh, and please check out Amy's blog. She did a great job of documenting her weekend, which coincidentally is the essence of my own weekend. :)

I went to Jeremy Larson's concert on Saturday night, and it really got me thinking about music again. That, combined with messing around with instruments on Friday (and my friend's funeral) has really been weighing on me. I need music.

Music, defined from my class/textbook (Music and Soul Making by Barbara Crowe):

- George Crumb: "a system of proportions in service of the spiritual"

- Standard: "organized sound for human expression"

- 1940s: "the organization of sound and silence for human expression

- one related to complexity science: "a living movement of expanding information"

I believe that music is connected to our souls. Our physical selves are simply manifestations of our souls. Mind, body, emotion, soul-- these make up our "selves."

"Issues of spirit are deeply personal and relate to our essential wholeness as a human being." (notes from class)

These issues of spirit have a need to be expressed:

1. Belonging and need for affiliation

2. Need for play

3. Need for creativity

4. Need for quality of life (self-esteem, fulfillment, freedom, happiness)

5. Need for spirituality and religion (a spiritual system)

This is why I like to paint, worship, read, run, write, blog, etc.!

(These things go along pretty well with your typical psychology theories. We, humans, have a need for these things. We yearn for companionship and understanding.)

"If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think and see my life in terms of music."

- Albert Einstein

"Music is an energy field-- which affects and interacts with the human energy fields."

- Unified Field Theory

So, those thoughts aside, here are a couple of things that made me happy yesterday:

Anthony got this book signed for me this weekend! I am so excited to start reading it again, but it will probably have to wait until summer. Oh well.

Heather and I "studied" last night and it was an extremely good release for me. I love her! (I also love butterfinger ice cream and peanut butter ice cream. Haha.)

I know that my posts are sporadic, especially when I am "melancholy." I do love that some of you actually read my posts. I hope that I make sense to you, and that maybe, just maybe, you feel what I feel... sometimes. 

Cheers. :)

I've got snow up my nose and a harp on my back.

Really, I do. Or rather, I did.

Happy winter!

I missed the snow over Christmas, so despite my initial irritation with the snowfall on the first day of classes, it was kinda nice. 

Right outside of my door is this bush-like thing. It actually looked pretty today. 

Then I went out to my car, and I noticed the leaves. Something about having a decent camera on this phone is making me notice things more, and I think it's a good thing. I get a little happy every time I see something worth taking a picture of.

I went to my evening class after a two-hour break, and the trees looked like this:

It was still kinda exciting to be walking around in the snow on campus, since the sidewalks were close to vacant. That's a rare occurrence, but I guess since it's at night there are less people. (It also meant that I wouldn't get any weird looks for freezing my bum off trying to take a picture with gloves on.)

When I got back to my car and realized that I didn't have an ice-scraper, I was more irritated with the weather than I was pleased. 

Anyway, my first class of the day was Music for Healing. The topic can be controversial, but the essence of the class is to study the emotional/physical/etc. connection that people have to music and how we can channel that connection in a positive way to possibly allow for healing, whether it be spiritual, emotional, or other. I'm really excited about it, since I love music, anyway, but also because it'll give me a chance to branch out a little bit, learn a new clef, and play for people on hospice. This is right up my alley. Yay!

I got out of class this evening and tuned the harp. Just so you know, it's much more difficult than tuning a violin. Hands down. Anyway, I messed around with it for a little while and kinda learned how to play a very simple version of "Amazing Grace." I just played by ear, but hopefully it's the same general concept for class, so that I'm not screwing myself over in advance.. Haha.

Oh, and last night I painted this picture frame thing that I got at work. All of the edges were smashed-ish and the paint was chipping. (It's a fairly typical black frame from Walmart, I think.) They were just going to throw it away, but I thought that maybe I could do something with it-- so, I painted it! I like it, I think.

Okay, it's been a good day. I am happy for the new beginning that the semester is sure to bring. 

Cheers!