rocket summer

So there's this artist... Bryce Avary. He writes and produces and plays every song on his albums. It's like Reliant K, Ben Folds, Michael Jackson, and Bradley Hathaway had a weird encounter and they had a peculiar but awesome baby.

My favorite band is Mumford & Sons. Muse and Keane are my longest loves, and I really love music along the lines of Band of Horses, Radical Face, Vampire Weekend... Fleet Foxes, The Killers, The Kooks, Maroon 5, Modest Mouse, The Beatles, The Beach Boys, OK Go!, Temper Trap, etc. I could go on FOREVER, because I have music for every emotion.

I'm usually pretty picky with the voices of the singers I listen to. I don't really like the whiny voices... but I also am not a huge fan of the really drawn out voices. (knowwhatimean?) But the most important thing to me are is the LYRICS. I'm a musician, so of course the mechanics of the music is essential-- I mean, I have to feel it... BUT, the lyrics play a huge, huge role in my affections.

So back to the Rocket Summer. His voice is a little strange... And his lyrics jump from super random to taking a poky stick to my heart and playing STABSTABSTAB with it.... and then back to an odd variation of simplicity.

I don't know what he does, but I've loved this music since I was 15 and it has continued to be my go-to playlist. It doesn't matter what mood I'm in... this will give me my fix of anything.

He's optimistic, he's authentic, he's blunt.... he's just amazing. I wish that I could meet him.



 I wouldn't know,

Just how sweet this tastes now,
No, if at first I did not go,
Through bitter times, Through bitter places,
I stay alert for new battles
But for now, we're here.

Say you're with me,
There's gold ahead, there's golden dreams
In life's hills and valleys,
Yeah will you hold on with me.

The rest is right, the rest is wrong.
The rest will come when it comes along.
The rest will find us, we belong here.

So, hey, be nice to the Japanese exchange students,
Cause' people wouldn't know them, right when they show up,
And they have found yourself in a similar place
Where you found you looked around and just saw loads of empty space.
And you were thinking how you don't know them,
like they don't know you.
It's a lonely feeling after all that you do.
Got a good heart, got a good soul, what must I do to prove it anymore?
I got friends in high and low places,
and it's all the same to me.

I love the Japanese, I love the Japanese,
those from Japan and overseas.
I love the Japanese, do you love the Japanese?
Those from Japan and overseas,
Those from Japan and overseas, like me.

It's desert dry, but I will-
Wait a second I see words that you promised me.
Seeking diligently, bring the rain, bring the rain.
I will wait, wait, I will wait for you.
This is a refuge, this is hope.
This is a refuge, this is love.
Forget lies that lead you away from home, because this is a refuge, this is love

 I don't wanna look back on all my years
Recollecting the mistakes that then will be clear
About how I ran and chased a place my whole life
Then come aware that I was there
I was there.




"Hey, How's it going?"
"Good, and how are you?"
"Good."
Do you ever wonder how much that isn't true?
Will you help me out if you can?
I'll take you as you are,
Please just take me as I am.

Stop fearing death,
I want something to live for.
I've been holding my breath,
I want something to live for.
Because when the deaf feel the sound,
I want something to live for.
I want to make you proud,
I want something to live for.

cheese is good, in small quantities

 My Valentine's Day was wonderful. A year ago, yesterday, I celebrated that day with the same person, but in a completely different context. Little did I know... :) :)

Anyway, I won't blab on and on about what he did for me or what I did for him, but I would like to share my thoughts for the holiday.

Valentine's Day is a great day to celebrate people you care about-- family, friends, lovers... whoever. BUT, it can also make you painfully aware of what you're lacking, if you're in that category.

So before I blab on, I'd like to share two songs that have really been getting under my skin, lately. The first song is from Mumford and Sons (duh), and the second is a song I listened to a lot when I was in high school. I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that both of these songs brought me to legitimate tears this week.

But you are not alone in this
And you are not alone in this
As brothers we will stand,
and we'll hold your hand.
Hold your hand


And I will tell the night
And whisper, "lose your sight,"
but I can't move the mountains
for you

•   “Anyway, on the cover of the box, Steinbeck chiseled four Hebrew letters which spell out the word "timshel,"a word that loosely translates as "thou mayest;" the word suggests that we as humans, with the consciousness we "achieved" by eating from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil in the Garden of Eden, can in every moment CHOOSE our behavior; we can choose between good and evil.”
  The Huffington Post: Claudia Ricci: The Magic of Fiction Writing; The Mysteries of Consciousness

As we brace for the sound
Of the deafening crowd
Screaming "Lord, have mercy now",
I hear the words of my King
As they echo underneath
"My hand awaits, rise to your feet".


But die as we may, Your love always remains
And we cannot afford to be afraid anymore.


Let's stay the course and hold on tight.
Jesus Christ Satellites are calling
A-O, We're not alone.



Physically alone, or not... it's extremely good to know that I am not alone, wherever I may be. Loneliness has deep roots, and it's really good for me to remember that the Father can reach those.

Cliche, maybe, but on holidays with hearts coming out of everyone's eyes, sometimes a little bit of reassurance in the form of cheese is okay in my book.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.

certainly uncertain

Hello, hello. It's one of those days... one of those that marks the end/beginning of a day's worth of thoughts and thinks and thuds.


Sometimes I really start to question any and everything I've ever known. Most of the time this means God. Or religion. Or people. Or the color of puke. Or why top shelves exist. Or why anyone would wear white when dirt is brown. 


But today it was about death, as it often seems to be when I work in a place where our day's summary usually includes something horrifically normal. 


Have you ever heard of the fast robot? My friend Amy taught it to me. It's basically the robot, but super fast so you look even cooler than you did before you knew of it. Anyway, I taught it to this old man at work, and EVERY TIME he saw me, he'd do an awkward variation of said fast robot.


Well, he died today. And with him, so did our fast robot interpretations. Life goes on. But for a while, it feels like everything stops. Why do we live just to die? Was God so narcissistic that he had to create a world that would die? Insert all of that stuff about choice/free will and whatnot. I get that. But days like today, I really get sort of cynical and bitter about spiritual things, because sure it's cool that I'm alive and everything, but what was the point in creating a world that he knew was going to be so flawed and end in suffering? I mean, other than to choose to love and follow him. 


I don't get it today. Some days I do, but if I'm being honest... today I don't. 



Oh, and I know this of myself
I assume as much for other people
Oh, and I know this of myself
We've listened more to life's end gong
Than the sound of life's sweet bliss

Was it ever worth it?
Was there all that much to gain?
Well we knew we missed the boat
And we'd already missed the plane
We didn't read the invite
We just dance at our wake
All our favorites were playing
So we could shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

schmoozik

Well, I took a break from blogging and Facebook this last week, and it was rather nice. I'm back... with a new Facebook and the same blog. 

The week days have been rough for me, but I'll just leave it at that. I'm also starting graduate school applications and trying to figure out my future. It's a stressful time for me, but...

This weekend was a great one. Anthony and I went to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra! I had wanted to see them for a LONGLONGLONG time. There were a few cheesey moments, but other than that, they were phenomenal. I am now officially in Christmas/Thanksgiving mode. We were going to cut down a Christmas tree this weekend, but the Christmas tree farms aren't open to the public yet.





In other news, we got a record player!!! It's gorgeous. There was a "functional art" store that we had walked by a zillion times at night, but it was always closed. I suggested that we try and find it on Saturday morning and take a look. It just so happened that the owner had gotten a beautiful record player at an auction a few days before, and he was trying to find a buyer that wasn't going to use it for parts/scraps. Apparently someone had come in before us and made him an offer. Anyway, we bought it right away. We got it for an amazing deal. The picture quality is not very good.. I was right by a window and this thing is HEAAA-VYYY.




I'm currently listening to Mannheim Steamroller, and it's extra special because I played the exact arrangement of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen in my high school symphony orchestra. So... basically... I'm ready for the holidays.



I hope that you all had a great weekend!

she may be young but she only likes old things

Go ahead and listen to this song while you're reading, if you're going to do that.



[Finally we have seen some things 

Some awfully nice
Some dreadfully bad 
But we will sing 
Wash the blood off our knees
Cause our love breaks through rough seas our ship will sail
And I don't understand how this world would work
Cause time will tell us nothing
I'll take a chance on something

Feeling old, feelings this time take you 
Down river, down river, down river, down
Walk these stairs, put the pieces back together 
Go don't stop, go don't stop, go don't stop now, go

Finally, we have seen some things 
But bells in your hallways
Don't move you in the right place
So we will sing, cast our hopes out to sea
Though our hearts break, through violent winds our ship will sail
And I don't understand how this world would work
Cause time will tell us nothing
I'll take a chance on something

Feeling old, feelings this time take you
Down river, down river, down river, down
Walk these stairs, put the pieces back together
Go don't stop, go don't stop, go don't stop 
Go don't stop now, go.... ]

Work has been rough lately, and that has nothing to do with what I'm going to talk about. I guess I just wanted to say that. I've been given a promotion of sorts, and it comes with some stresses that are rather unrelated to the actual work that I'm going to be doing. But that aside, I work with a population of people that tend to be very, very depressed. I mean, who wouldn't be? No matter how nice a nursing home is, it is still what it is. I'm so glad that my grandma got to live with us, but not everyone is that fortunate.

I don't want to get old. I love the elderly, but I don't want to become one of them. (See, "one of them." They are separate from me, at least according to that sentence. That bothers me.)
Anyway, there is a particular lady that baffles me. One minute, my heart can be breaking for her, while another minute, I have no sympathy for her. You see, she's a bitter woman. She's depressed; she hates everything about the nursing home. But we have a great time together! Most of the time she likes me, so we have good conversations and share a lot of laughs.
Well today, she was on a rant. We had a looooooong conversation, and I ended up talking to her very frankly. It's always a gamble when I do this, because people will either respect how blunt I am, or they will be offended and shut me out. Fortunately, she listened. (I think...)

It all came down to a cliche: Life is what you make of it.

Yeah, I know. It's a cliche. And I'm the one who could really benefit from this particular cliche a lot of the time. I always have something to whine about.

In spite of my hypocrisy, I told this crabby woman that she needs to stop with the pessimism. "Yeah, the clock in this room is nice, BUT it's ridiculously huge, and it took an entire year to get it in here." I cut her off before she could go any further, and I told her to simply stop at "The clock in this room is nice." Leave off the rest of it! I don't care about the rest of your sentence. There's no point to it, and honestly, I don't want to listen to it anymore.

I can go on all day about how Texas is so much better than Missouri, but if I dwell on those differences, I'm going to be miserable as long as I am here. What's the point in that? Instead, I've tried looking at all of the things that I enjoy about Missouri while I'm driving to work. I listen to music that I enjoy and revel in the fact that Springfield is 7 degrees cooler than San Antonio. I pass Bambu and realize that I enjoyed boba tea for the first time here and not there. I met Anthony in Springfield, not San Antonio. I graduated from college here. I got a wonderful job here. These things happened here. I am here, not there. Maybe I'll be "there" some day, but for now I'm here. We'll lose years comparing here to there if we're not careful. From the post before this one, "It's the here and the now and the love for the sound of the moments that keep us moving." (The Temper Trap)

It's okay to visit the sad/depressed/unhappy places, because after all, we're human. (Hearts need a mind, like a clock needs the time, like white needs black - The Rocket Summer) But we can't live there!!

I rambled for a few minutes about this and that, and I really thought that I had lost her. She looked shocked for a few seconds, but then she laughed. "Liz, I need you around me all day."

I was surprised that she took my soap box speech so well, but hey- sometimes words spill out for a reason. Did my rant do any long-term good? Perhaps it did not, but at least she'll be thinking about it for a little while.

I don't want to be bitter.

So chin up, buttercup:











And now, out of "14,000 things to be happy about," here are a few:


- the color of an old brown library sofa
- recipe chests
- knowing the correct pronunciation
- fall foliage
- cotton clouds
- schizocarps: the wing-like single seeds that fall from maple trees
- phytoplankton
- serotonin


I know, I know, I'm rambling. I seem to always do that. But maybe this is the good kind.

love for the sound

I haven't really been in the mood for blogging lately, but I've been recently addicted to The Temper Trap, courtesy of Amy. I'd heard some of their songs on Pandora a while back, and according to Anthony, I listened to them all the way to Texas. I don't remember that, so it must not be true. ;)
Anyway, for some reason, I can't stop listening to "Soldier On" on repeat.
One of the things that I love about music is its ability to mold to the listener. I won't tell you my interpretation of the song, because it's going to be different for a lot of people, and I won't spoil it with "my version." Not only is it a beautiful song to simply listen to, but its lyrics are beautiful, too. You should look them up. Actually, I'll just post them. Ha.



who wants to know
all that is gold is rusting
no one will know
when seasons cease to change and…
how far we've gone
how far we're goingit's the here and the now
and the love for the sound
of the moments that keep us moving

waves crash along
the battered, lonely lighthouse
tomorrow she's gone
and if not, someday somehow
are these hands a waste
well this side of mortality is
scaring me to death
to death

don't think about it at all
just keep your head low
and don't think about it all

soldier on, soldier on
keep your heart close to the ground
soldier on, soldier on, keep your heart
close to the ground

don't think about it all
just keep your head low
don't think about it
at all

yeah, will you take me tonight
yeah, will you take me tonight
yeah, will you take me tonight
ooooh... tonight

soldier on
soldier on
keep your heart
close to the ground


Beautiful, eh?

It was like a lemon bar, because I love lemon bars.

Yesterday was a complete success. In fact, I'd put yesterday up there with my top five days... Yes, I think I shall.


We headed to Kansas City around noon, or so, and arrived around 3:30.  We shared fajitas at a really good Mexican restaurant before we walked around downtown.  I am incredibly directionally impaired, but I miraculously knew exactly where I had seen an antique store- ha. I had to spend a minimum of $10 in order to buy anything, so I ended up with costume pearl earrings and a mini porch swing bird feeder. I'll post pictures when I get it set up, but it's really, really cute.  Thank you, Anthony, for finding it!


Anyway, we killed time walking around downtown until about 5:30. Somehow neither Anthony nor I realized that this was an outdoor show, so my burned self stood outside in the sun until it went down during the concert. I felt like an idiot. I'm not going to go into detail about how gross the sunburn got... haha.

We were probably within the first two hundred people to get in, so we actually got really good spots.  Of course there wasn't any seating, so our "spots" were wherever we found a place for our feet.  I got super lucky and was somehow placed next to a drunk girl that was so determined not to be "that drunk girl at the concert" that she became that very person. She spilled her beer on me several times and I'm pretty sure that I could pick her butt out of a crowd any day, considering that she brushed it up against me just shy of 1,243,346 times.







The first band that played was called Matthew and the Atlas. I am not exaggerating when I say that this is definitely the only opening band that I have ever enjoyed. Honestly, I'd be down for going to see them play, again. You should check them out, for real. I have great taste in music-- I promise.  ;)

The next band to play was Nathaniel Rateliff and the Fairchildren. The lead singer seemed really conceited, and I'm pretty sure that he was high (or was it just his eyes?). Also, his pants were a little too tight for my liking. Of course, this is all opinion and/or speculation.  I will say, though, that their music is pretty incredible and the chick playing the upright bass was amazing.  I am pleased to say that this concert was enjoyable, all of the way through.  If you go to many concerts, you'll know that this is rare.

At this point, the sun was about down, and the direct heat from the sun morphed into sweaty, muggy heat from warm bodies sweating beer.


But then Cake went on stage and all was forgotten. Are any of you guys Cake fans?? They are incredible live. There are some bands that lose the autotune and sound horrendous, but Cake is absolutely not one of them.  They're also very interactive with the crowd, so that was a nice touch. I noticed that John McCrea loves his vibraslap. It was really cool to hear them play live, because their CD is so unique. A lot of times, the sound effects that are used in the studio aren't able to be replicated on stage, but Cake definitely did not have that problem! 

AND AT LAST, Mumford & Sons got on stage. This is when the crowd started to get pretty mean. If anyone tried to get through to the front after leaving for a drink or to go to the bathroom, good luck. I certainly wasn't budging.  Anthony and I had been outside for almost 7 hours at this point, and we got there super early in order to be so close; there was NO WAY I was moving for someone who thought that they were entitled to a closer spot. I actually started to get really irritated with people.  Isn't there some kind of concert etiquette that people can pay attention to? Why would you want to get drunk for Mumford, anyway? Don't you want the full effect of the performance?! Stop bumping into everyone around you and talking so absurdly loud-- you're going to miss them, entirely. I mean, REALLY. 


Moving on, Mumford was INSANE. I have never been to a better concert than this.

I'm going to be completely honest with you all, and some of you may feel offended or uneasy about what I'm going to say, but I am completely comfortable with stating that what happened last night was a spiritual experience for me.  When I first listened to their CD, I had similar feelings, too.  This is not the type of music that I play in the background; rather, it is the kind of music that I play at full blast with my eyes closed, or while I'm driving and can sing along at the top of my lungs.  That is not a figure of speech-- I'm talking about truly  singing at the top of my lungs, feeling every word that comes from my mouth and from the speakers.  I quote their lyrics quite often in my blog, and perhaps that gets old, but for me, they say what I am feeling, perfectly.


But it's not just the words that they're singing that move me.  It's the passion behind them and the complexity of the instruments that carry my soul through every lyric.  


There are times that I sing, "And I'll find strength in pain, and I will change my ways; I'll know my name as it's called again.  [...] So come out of your cave walking on your hands, and see the world hanging upside down. You can understand dependence when you know the Maker's land.  [...] 'Cause I need freedom now, and I need to know how to live my life as it's meant to be."
(Who was I? Who am I now?)

I'm trying to be an authentic person.  I'm not perfect, and sometimes the words I use are not perfect. But to be human is to be raw, I think, and that includes raw emotion.  That raw emotion is sometimes devoid of "holy" language. This song expresses that for me. 


There are other times that I'm singing, "Weep for yourself, my man, you'll never be what is in your heart. Weep, little lion man, you're not as brave as you were at the start. [...] Take all the courage you have left, wasted on fixin' all the problems that you made in your own head.  But it was not your fault but mine. And it was your heart on the line. I really fucked it up this time."
Maybe this is only me, but sometimes when I'm praying, I use words like that. That may be wrong of me, but sometimes I really want God to know that I know that I've really fucked it up. This might not be what Mumford meant when they wrote the song, but when it comes to me, this is when I admit that I was wrong, I screwed up; I can't blame God. (I really am sorry if this is offensive.)


Other times I'm singing, "And after the storm, I run and run as the rains come, and I look up. I look up. On my knees and out of luck, I look up. And night has always pushed up day; you must know life to see decay, but I won't rot. I won't rot! Not this mind and not this heart, I won't rot. [...] And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears, and love will not break your heart but dismiss your fears. Get over your hill and see what you find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair. And now I cling to what I knew. I saw exactly what was true, but oh no more. That's why I hold, that's why I hold with all I have."


But usually, I'm singing, "Lend me your eyes, I can change what you see. [...] Awake my soul, awake my soul, awake my soul: for you were made to meet your Maker! [...] In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die, and where you invest your love, you invest your life."





(My favorite song, live!)


When I'm angry, God is there. When I'm joyous, God is certainly there. I feel God's presence when I listen to Mumford & Sons. When I'm upset, this music helps me to cry out to God rather than my steering wheel. I blogged about music a little while ago, but here are two things I'd like to repost: 

"If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think and see my life in terms of music."

- Albert Einstein

"Music is an energy field-- which affects and interacts with the human energy fields."

- Unified Field Theory

Okay, so aside from that thinking stuff, can I say again that the concert was phenominal?! 

I had a lot of great video footage, but for some reason Blogger isn't uploading it. I tried uploading it to YouTube, instead, but it's taking hours to do so. (literally) I guess most readers skip over that stuff, anyway, so maybe it wouldn't have been worth it, after all. 

On an interesting note, two people fainted during the concert, due to the heat. (ridiculous!) Everyone was yelling at Mumford trying to get their attention so the medics could be notified. They eventually were, and they were carried out. 

Also, there was a car garage pretty close to the concert, and a ton of people were on the top stories of the garage trying to listen to the bands play. It was kind of cool, actually. It must be an overwhelming feeling to be a part of something that 10,000 people (sold out show) showed up for, and even more standing around the perimeter hoping to hear parts of the performance.

We got home around 2:30 am, and I had to work a 12-hour shift today, so I'm pretty tired.  If you read all of that, congratulations! I really do wonder who reads all of the words in-between the beginning and the end. 

I hope that you all will have a great weekend.  Thank you, Anthony, for the best birthday gift I could have hoped for. 

Cheers. :)

Thank you, thank you very much.

I feel famous.

Mandy passed this award along to me, and I am super flattered! I know it's just a picture, and for anyone who is not a blogger, this probably seems pretty stupid. But I was so excited to get this! Haha :)
And also, her blog is pretty awesome, especially if you are a nerd. ;)

I am supposed to tell you seven random things about me. I don't really know what constitutes as random, since I talk about random crap all of the time. Here goes nothing:

1. I could live off of Monster energy drinks and sugar free chocolate pudding if it had enough nutrients in them to keep me alive. I'll do almost anything for either of these. I'm kinda addicted to caffeine, thanks to Monster/Red Bull, but I haven't had one in two days!! I'm so proud. 

2. I want to play every instrument in the world. Every time I listen to a band, I'm like, "Dude, I want to play the drums!" And then as I listen to the song a little more, I'm like, "Dude, I want to sing!" So on and so forth. I play the violin, but I would kill to be able to sing, play the piano, guitar, ukulele, mandolin, harp... etc.

3. If I think about something enough, I have to do it. For instance, if I let the thought enter my mind that my hair is looking sort of dull, I will have to buy a box of color or book an appointment. Fortunately, I'm not picky with my hair, so it's never that expensive.  If I suddenly think about antiquing and have that urge to go look around, I have to go on my next day off. It's pretty ridiculous. It's funny, sometimes, but most of the time it's just annoying because I am bothered until it happens. (It's helpful when it's about cleaning my house or doing laundry, though.) People make fun of me for this, but I'm trying to embrace it.

4. I have an electric violin. She's a beauty, but I don't ever play her. If anyone needs an electric violinist, I'm your girl. Maybe. 

5. This is one of my favorite songs. Judge away. I can sing every word. (I'd like to think that people can't peg me for a certain genre of music. I like a huge range of music.)

6. I love Star Trek. I have 20+ Next Generation collectible plates and I am proud. I've tried giving them away numerous times, but nobody seems to want them... I am now attached and don't want to get rid of them. I just haven't found a place to put them, yet. 

7. I hate to drive, unless I'm upset. 

And there you have it. I've got some heavier topics on my mind right now, but I will save those for the weekend, I think. Tonight/tomorrow will be spent celebrating Dave's birthday. Whoopee! He is an old man.

Anyway, thanks for reading-- I hope these kinds of posts aren't too obnoxious. AND THANK YOU, MANDY!

Cheers :)

I'll take you as you are; please, just take me as I am.

And lately the weather
has been so bipolar
and consequently so have I
...

And its funny how you find
you enjoy your life
when you're happy to be alive

-Relient K

I've been pretty melancholy, lately. This state of being comes around every now and then. Perhaps it's due to the realization that spring break is OVER, or maybe it's just an overall "reality." I took my personality test again, and I am still an INFJ. I fit into the category of being an "idealist."

1.	belief in or pursuance of ideals
2.	the tendency to represent things in their ideal forms, rather than as they are

[If you're interested, take this test. I think it's pretty accurate. I am wary of some personality tests, but this one has remained constant, at least for me. I asked Anthony to take it yesterday to prove/disprove what my guess was, and I was right!! He is definitely an INTJ. I was so proud. (haha) It's really not that hard to guess what people "are," once you understand the test, but I am still proud. I'd be interested to know what you all score!]

But sometimes, I'm also a realist. I think that it's when my idealist tendencies clash with my own reality that I become melancholy. This idealist portion of me is probably why I stayed with my ex-boyfriend for so long. I knew how things were and how they could be, based upon what they used to be. If you don't know what I am referring to, read this post. I finally blocked his number. For those of you who have been through what I have, I hope you can understand why this deliberate act was extremely difficult. I think that is what may have set my "mood" off. 

According to one of my professors, feelings can be described as "emotion with a memory." I think I agree with this. Memory is a powerful thing. This is why smelling a scent associated with a certain time period can be painful. (or nostalgic, etc.) This is why seeing my ex is painful. He looks the same on the outside, but it's as soon as he opens his mouth that I can remember that he is no longer who he used to be; however, this can be manipulated. Words are powerful, too, after all. Isn't life complicated, sometimes? 

(I miss my nose ring. I hope that I have a job some day that allows me to have piercings. I love them.)

Now, I want you to read these lyrics. For any person that has grown up AT ALL, ever, this should make sense to you. I know that I'm pretty young, so maybe most of you have finished "growing up," but I'm okay with admitting that I am an ever-changing being. I'd like to think that this is a positive thing, but there are days like today/yesterday that make me miss who I once was.

Once I was fearless, going up against the world,

optimistic, seeing all the reasons for...

Crept through the darkness, I could live through anything.

Where, where did it go?

I wanna feel it, like I did back then, but more.

I really need it, more than I've ever before.

I believed in oh oh,

Where, where did it go?

Hey, how's it going?

Good.

And how are you?

Good.

Often do you wonder how much that isn't true?

Will you help me out if you can?

I'll take you as you are, please take me as I am.

- The Rocket Sumer

Oh, and please check out Amy's blog. She did a great job of documenting her weekend, which coincidentally is the essence of my own weekend. :)

I went to Jeremy Larson's concert on Saturday night, and it really got me thinking about music again. That, combined with messing around with instruments on Friday (and my friend's funeral) has really been weighing on me. I need music.

Music, defined from my class/textbook (Music and Soul Making by Barbara Crowe):

- George Crumb: "a system of proportions in service of the spiritual"

- Standard: "organized sound for human expression"

- 1940s: "the organization of sound and silence for human expression

- one related to complexity science: "a living movement of expanding information"

I believe that music is connected to our souls. Our physical selves are simply manifestations of our souls. Mind, body, emotion, soul-- these make up our "selves."

"Issues of spirit are deeply personal and relate to our essential wholeness as a human being." (notes from class)

These issues of spirit have a need to be expressed:

1. Belonging and need for affiliation

2. Need for play

3. Need for creativity

4. Need for quality of life (self-esteem, fulfillment, freedom, happiness)

5. Need for spirituality and religion (a spiritual system)

This is why I like to paint, worship, read, run, write, blog, etc.!

(These things go along pretty well with your typical psychology theories. We, humans, have a need for these things. We yearn for companionship and understanding.)

"If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think and see my life in terms of music."

- Albert Einstein

"Music is an energy field-- which affects and interacts with the human energy fields."

- Unified Field Theory

So, those thoughts aside, here are a couple of things that made me happy yesterday:

Anthony got this book signed for me this weekend! I am so excited to start reading it again, but it will probably have to wait until summer. Oh well.

Heather and I "studied" last night and it was an extremely good release for me. I love her! (I also love butterfinger ice cream and peanut butter ice cream. Haha.)

I know that my posts are sporadic, especially when I am "melancholy." I do love that some of you actually read my posts. I hope that I make sense to you, and that maybe, just maybe, you feel what I feel... sometimes. 

Cheers. :)