It was like a lemon bar, because I love lemon bars.

Yesterday was a complete success. In fact, I'd put yesterday up there with my top five days... Yes, I think I shall.


We headed to Kansas City around noon, or so, and arrived around 3:30.  We shared fajitas at a really good Mexican restaurant before we walked around downtown.  I am incredibly directionally impaired, but I miraculously knew exactly where I had seen an antique store- ha. I had to spend a minimum of $10 in order to buy anything, so I ended up with costume pearl earrings and a mini porch swing bird feeder. I'll post pictures when I get it set up, but it's really, really cute.  Thank you, Anthony, for finding it!


Anyway, we killed time walking around downtown until about 5:30. Somehow neither Anthony nor I realized that this was an outdoor show, so my burned self stood outside in the sun until it went down during the concert. I felt like an idiot. I'm not going to go into detail about how gross the sunburn got... haha.

We were probably within the first two hundred people to get in, so we actually got really good spots.  Of course there wasn't any seating, so our "spots" were wherever we found a place for our feet.  I got super lucky and was somehow placed next to a drunk girl that was so determined not to be "that drunk girl at the concert" that she became that very person. She spilled her beer on me several times and I'm pretty sure that I could pick her butt out of a crowd any day, considering that she brushed it up against me just shy of 1,243,346 times.







The first band that played was called Matthew and the Atlas. I am not exaggerating when I say that this is definitely the only opening band that I have ever enjoyed. Honestly, I'd be down for going to see them play, again. You should check them out, for real. I have great taste in music-- I promise.  ;)

The next band to play was Nathaniel Rateliff and the Fairchildren. The lead singer seemed really conceited, and I'm pretty sure that he was high (or was it just his eyes?). Also, his pants were a little too tight for my liking. Of course, this is all opinion and/or speculation.  I will say, though, that their music is pretty incredible and the chick playing the upright bass was amazing.  I am pleased to say that this concert was enjoyable, all of the way through.  If you go to many concerts, you'll know that this is rare.

At this point, the sun was about down, and the direct heat from the sun morphed into sweaty, muggy heat from warm bodies sweating beer.


But then Cake went on stage and all was forgotten. Are any of you guys Cake fans?? They are incredible live. There are some bands that lose the autotune and sound horrendous, but Cake is absolutely not one of them.  They're also very interactive with the crowd, so that was a nice touch. I noticed that John McCrea loves his vibraslap. It was really cool to hear them play live, because their CD is so unique. A lot of times, the sound effects that are used in the studio aren't able to be replicated on stage, but Cake definitely did not have that problem! 

AND AT LAST, Mumford & Sons got on stage. This is when the crowd started to get pretty mean. If anyone tried to get through to the front after leaving for a drink or to go to the bathroom, good luck. I certainly wasn't budging.  Anthony and I had been outside for almost 7 hours at this point, and we got there super early in order to be so close; there was NO WAY I was moving for someone who thought that they were entitled to a closer spot. I actually started to get really irritated with people.  Isn't there some kind of concert etiquette that people can pay attention to? Why would you want to get drunk for Mumford, anyway? Don't you want the full effect of the performance?! Stop bumping into everyone around you and talking so absurdly loud-- you're going to miss them, entirely. I mean, REALLY. 


Moving on, Mumford was INSANE. I have never been to a better concert than this.

I'm going to be completely honest with you all, and some of you may feel offended or uneasy about what I'm going to say, but I am completely comfortable with stating that what happened last night was a spiritual experience for me.  When I first listened to their CD, I had similar feelings, too.  This is not the type of music that I play in the background; rather, it is the kind of music that I play at full blast with my eyes closed, or while I'm driving and can sing along at the top of my lungs.  That is not a figure of speech-- I'm talking about truly  singing at the top of my lungs, feeling every word that comes from my mouth and from the speakers.  I quote their lyrics quite often in my blog, and perhaps that gets old, but for me, they say what I am feeling, perfectly.


But it's not just the words that they're singing that move me.  It's the passion behind them and the complexity of the instruments that carry my soul through every lyric.  


There are times that I sing, "And I'll find strength in pain, and I will change my ways; I'll know my name as it's called again.  [...] So come out of your cave walking on your hands, and see the world hanging upside down. You can understand dependence when you know the Maker's land.  [...] 'Cause I need freedom now, and I need to know how to live my life as it's meant to be."
(Who was I? Who am I now?)

I'm trying to be an authentic person.  I'm not perfect, and sometimes the words I use are not perfect. But to be human is to be raw, I think, and that includes raw emotion.  That raw emotion is sometimes devoid of "holy" language. This song expresses that for me. 


There are other times that I'm singing, "Weep for yourself, my man, you'll never be what is in your heart. Weep, little lion man, you're not as brave as you were at the start. [...] Take all the courage you have left, wasted on fixin' all the problems that you made in your own head.  But it was not your fault but mine. And it was your heart on the line. I really fucked it up this time."
Maybe this is only me, but sometimes when I'm praying, I use words like that. That may be wrong of me, but sometimes I really want God to know that I know that I've really fucked it up. This might not be what Mumford meant when they wrote the song, but when it comes to me, this is when I admit that I was wrong, I screwed up; I can't blame God. (I really am sorry if this is offensive.)


Other times I'm singing, "And after the storm, I run and run as the rains come, and I look up. I look up. On my knees and out of luck, I look up. And night has always pushed up day; you must know life to see decay, but I won't rot. I won't rot! Not this mind and not this heart, I won't rot. [...] And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears, and love will not break your heart but dismiss your fears. Get over your hill and see what you find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair. And now I cling to what I knew. I saw exactly what was true, but oh no more. That's why I hold, that's why I hold with all I have."


But usually, I'm singing, "Lend me your eyes, I can change what you see. [...] Awake my soul, awake my soul, awake my soul: for you were made to meet your Maker! [...] In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die, and where you invest your love, you invest your life."





(My favorite song, live!)


When I'm angry, God is there. When I'm joyous, God is certainly there. I feel God's presence when I listen to Mumford & Sons. When I'm upset, this music helps me to cry out to God rather than my steering wheel. I blogged about music a little while ago, but here are two things I'd like to repost: 

"If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think and see my life in terms of music."

- Albert Einstein

"Music is an energy field-- which affects and interacts with the human energy fields."

- Unified Field Theory

Okay, so aside from that thinking stuff, can I say again that the concert was phenominal?! 

I had a lot of great video footage, but for some reason Blogger isn't uploading it. I tried uploading it to YouTube, instead, but it's taking hours to do so. (literally) I guess most readers skip over that stuff, anyway, so maybe it wouldn't have been worth it, after all. 

On an interesting note, two people fainted during the concert, due to the heat. (ridiculous!) Everyone was yelling at Mumford trying to get their attention so the medics could be notified. They eventually were, and they were carried out. 

Also, there was a car garage pretty close to the concert, and a ton of people were on the top stories of the garage trying to listen to the bands play. It was kind of cool, actually. It must be an overwhelming feeling to be a part of something that 10,000 people (sold out show) showed up for, and even more standing around the perimeter hoping to hear parts of the performance.

We got home around 2:30 am, and I had to work a 12-hour shift today, so I'm pretty tired.  If you read all of that, congratulations! I really do wonder who reads all of the words in-between the beginning and the end. 

I hope that you all will have a great weekend.  Thank you, Anthony, for the best birthday gift I could have hoped for. 

Cheers. :)

I can be morbid

As most of you probably know, there was a tornado that touched down in Joplin, MO last night. So far, there are 89 people dead and they are expecting a lot more. Joplin is a little over an hour from Springfield (where I live) and there was a fairly high chance that the tornado would be coming down the freeway toward the area where I live.

So what was I doing last night while this was going on? I was planting cacti in mugs and French marigolds in a teapot.

(Credit: I got the teapot idea from my friend, Seth, and I got the crate idea from a friend, Ryan. Anthony suggested using mugs, and I decided to use starkly different ones. I stole their really cool ideas.)

Anyway, talk about frivolity. While people are dying, I'm planting flowers. I didn't even realize that there was anything going on until my mom called me multiple times wanting to make sure that I was okay. After she called, I got a text from my aunt, several calls from my dad, and a call from my granddaddy. About the time that I started looking at the weather reports, Anthony and I decided to go to his house, since he has a basement.  We literally grabbed our stuff and opened the door and it started pouring. When we got to his house, the rain was still going crazy and the sky had turned green. It was super eerie.

The tornado obviously missed us, but reading about all of the damage done in Joplin while looking at a very green sky was rather unsettling for me. We did, however, get to see a gorgeous double rainbow.  These pictures were taken on my iPhone, but Amy got some beautiful photos that you should check out on her blog.

  







When something awful happens, I tend to obsess over it.  I don't think that people should dwell on things, but sometimes I do to the maximum degree.  Last night and this morning, I've been imaging what it would be like to have a tornado rip through my house, finding someone dead who I care about (or don't, for that matter), being whipped around by the winds, etc.... I'm not talking about casually empathizing with the people of Joplin; I'm talking about literally trying to imagine the feelings that I would have, seeing my things ruined, my home demolished...

This is not an uncommon thought/question, but why does crap like this happen? It really doesn't seem fair. I believe in God; I love God; why, God?

This is probably pretty weird, but I have something inside of me that is terrified of taking things for granted.  It scares me to think that I might miss the blessings that are given to me all of the time. It is for this reason that I tend to dwell on negative things a lot. This is most likely a pretty terrible thing, especially if I forget to pay attention to the blessings.

I've talked about balance before, and I guess I ought to talk about it again. (This blog is sometimes a way for me to try and make sense of things for myself.)  I know that it's okay to have those "it could have been me" moments, because it helps to put things in perspective; however, it is not healthy for me to let those thoughts consume me and prevent me from "living my life." (cliche/cliche/cliche)

But as I go throughout my day, I want to keep Joplin in my prayers. I am very blessed.

The story of how I lost a friend

Okay, okay. You've been on the edge of your seats waiting for this post, I know. Well, here it is. I hope you enjoy it. 

So... if you've been keeping up with my blog, you have probably noticed that I talk about a very painful situation that happened about a year ago. This post pretty much sums up how I've felt about everything, ever since. (I don't mean to keep bringing it up.. I'm sure it gets old hearing about my ex.)

Anyway, you've also probably noticed another theme among my blog posts. ANTHONY.

This post from November is just one example of how good of friends he and I have been ever since I met him about a year ago.

As friends, we've had some incredible times together. We grew pretty close last summer, since we both had weekends off of work, unlike our other friends. It was only natural that we would hang out. One of my favorite memories is of the two of us going to St. Louis on a complete whim. We were eating at McAlister's and he mentioned that he had never been up in the arch. This was remedied, quickly. We literally got up from the restaurant and went to St. Louis. I wish I had the pictures from this, but they're on a camera that I don't own and don't have access to.

Another time we went to the art museum in Springfield. That's when I decided that I wanted to learn how to paint; however, it wasn't until Christian and I broke up that I actually acted on this.

I made Ant go with me to antique/thrift stores one time, and we actually had a blast. I lost all of my pictures that I had taken, so you get to enjoy a few that Antho took. Whoopee..

Lovely pictures, I know. But we had a great time. (at least I did..)

I bought Anthony tickets to see Interpol for Christmas, so in February, we went to St. Louis again. 

He is a scary driver. 

We had some time to kill, so we ate dinner at this awesome place. I don't know what it's called, but I want to go back.

I'm not a very good photographer, but I think that this picture is pretty priceless. We were waiting for the concert to start... we played Words With Friends and made fun of a lot of people that were sitting around us. We are so nice.

I couldn't get a good picture, but at the very least, here is some proof that we actually got to see Interpol live!

(YUCK! That picture quality is so horrible. I'm super tempted to not even put them up. But since I'm writing this... I guess I'll just keep it.)

Okay, so, at this point, I'm starting to become really good friends with Anthony's family. The Martins are awesome! I don't know his other sister very well, or his parents, but the time that I have spent with them has been really nice. I love being around all of them.

It was about that time that I wrote this post.

Yes, I know. I've been in denial for a long, long time. I'm in love with Anthony. Those are strong words, but when you care about a friend as deeply as I've cared about Anthony, I guess it's a natural progression. Given that he was there through my painful break-up and the healing afterwards, he saw the broken side of me and loved me anyway. I've always valued his friendship, but I finally admitted to myself a few weeks ago that I had stronger feelings for Ant than simply as friends. 

It turns out that he felt the same way. 

We've decided to give this new level of a relationship a go, so... wish us luck.  :)

We spent this last weekend with Amy, Dave and her kids in Ozark, and as usual, I had a blast. 

When I showed up to their house after work on Saturday, Anthony gave me this sweet ring. He had been at the mall doing whatever and came across it. Does he know me, or does he know me? I love it. 

On Sunday, I went with Antho and his family to Busiek State Forest. 

(I stole a couple of her pictures, but Amy's blog sums it up better than I could. SO, check it out!)

Alright, so everything was off to a great start.

And then I got the flu. :(

BUT LO AND BEHOLD, Anthony to the rescue. (notice another trend-- he is constantly doing something to make my life easier)

He drove all the way over to my house on his lunch break at work with Sprite and soup, and then after work he showed up again with another Sprite. (I don't know how much Sprite he expected me to ingest.)

I lost my thermometer, somehow, so he went and bought me another one, along with Theraflu. It worked wonders! 

He's an incredible person. I haven't been taken care of this well since I lived at home. (haha)

I am realizing more and more that God provides for us in every way. I never would have guessed that Christian and I would have broken up. I never could have imagined that a simple friendship like Anthony and I had could have developed into what we have now. It's humbling to realize what a role God plays in everything. The people that I consider my closest friends right now are as a result of knowing Ant. That's amazing to me. A year ago he was this random guy that likes video games, and now he's the guy that cares about me more than I can comprehend.

Whether this relationship ends in the way that everyone always hopes, or whether it does not, I'm okay with taking that chance. I figure that being who we were created to be is the greatest thing that we can be.  To be who we are and befriend those who are complimentary to who we should be is a beautiful thing. 

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."

- Dr. Seuss

So, there you have it. I am now down another friend. Oh, great.

Cheers :) :) :)

⁵ Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens;

      your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds.
    ⁶ Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
      your justice like the ocean depths.
   You care for people and animals alike, O Lord.
       ⁷ How precious is your unfailing love, O God!
   All humanity finds shelter
      in the shadow of your wings.
    ⁸ You feed them from the abundance of your own house,
      letting them drink from your river of delights.
    ⁹ For you are the fountain of life,
      the light by which we see.

Psalm 36: 5-9

Credit.

I'm a firm believer in saying what needs to be said.

So, here it goes.

God is saving me, daily. I have gone through a ton of crap this last year. As we all have, I'm sure. This semester, I've been dealing with a lot of death. (friends, family, etc.) It's tough. I am extremely comforted by the knowledge of heaven.
If you know me at all, I'm not the type to shove "religion" down anyone's throat. In fact, this very thing has destroyed some friendships lately. That's another post for another time.
But you know what, I love God. I believe in God. I trust in God. I may screw up and I may question/doubt, often. I'm okay with that. I'm a thinker and I want to learn more about the faith I defend.
Anyway, this just needs to be said.
God is awesome. Death or life, he is awesome. He is sovereign. I believe that. He keeps me going. When I blink and something else has gone wrong, I find evidence of Him.

For example:

Anthony. I love this guy. I mean, I really love him. He's taken me on so many "dates" I can't even count them all. When I was dealing with my break-up, he was there. When I freak out about my super deep thoughts, he's there. And just when I need him, he shows up. He's funny, too. So he gives me a break from my mellow tendencies.

And you know what? He introduced me to his family. His family is amazing. Amy and Dave are incredible. Their kids are awesome, too. I have started hanging out with them a lot, and although it's weird for me to feel close to people so quickly, they are suddenly becoming close friends.

And you know what? They introduced me to Hannah. She is awesome! I barely know her and she invited me over when I was hearing super freaky noises tonight.

And you know what? This blogging "universe," of sorts, is amazing! I have "met" some wonderfully inspiring people through this.

And you know what? I can't even name all of the people (Heather, Carolyn, family, coworkers) who have made my life so superb.

I'm happy, you guys! I'm at peace.

I can be sad and restless, too, but overall, my soul is restful.

I'm proud to say that.

So, people, thank you. Thank you for putting up with my rambling. Thank you for listening to my tangents. Thanks for letting me freak out and making me feel like it's okay. Thanks for your prayers. Thanks for your understanding.




"So come out of your cave walking on your hands and see the world hanging upside down. You can understand dependence when you know the Maker's land."

Cheers :)

Farewell, Fall 2010

Dear Fall of 2010,

You have been terrible to me. It has not been a fun ride, in the least.

BUT

you are over!!!!!!!!

I am officially peacin' out to everything that this semester has symbolized.

C'mon, Liz, is this supposed to help you study? Writing "epic fail" in block lettering is not going to trigger what made the poem an "epic fail," nor will it provide you any basis for improving this for the portfolio! Was this supposed to be productive? Well, it wasn't. But thank you, Liz, for thinking of finals week-- as if it isn't stressful enough.

Yes, the page is blank. I have an awful time trying to focus long enough to write one sentence. Just one sentence!!!

But guess what?! I have just completed my last final! I am freeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

And to kick off my break, I got selected as the employee of the month! Hollaaaaaaaaa!

I am so incredibly stoked... Apparently a bunch of people at work thought that I deserved it, so they spread the word; lo and behold, it worked! I got picked! So many exclamation points! 

Anyway, I am honored. I love my job, I love (most) of my co-workers, and I am veryvery blessed!!

I bought myself my first Starbucks of the semester to celebrate. Peppermint mochas are delicious.

And then I decided that maybe I deserved some lemon cake, too. Haha :)

So there we have it! The semester is complete, and winter break I will be parking right next to the building in my very own parking spot! Hallllleelluuujaaaaaaah. (Ha)

I'd like to publicly thank my parents, my Aunt Davida and Uncle Lew, Elena and Cameron, Carolyn, and Anthony for getting me through the trials of this semester. It truly has been a test of who I am... I think that it'd be fair to say that I am okay! (This is a big deal.) Now, whether my grades reflect my personal growth, I don't know; but there's nothing I can do about it at this point. I am not going to dwell on the woulda coulda shouldas of this season.

It is time to drink hot chocolate, help Lena and Cam pack up the house, visit family and friends, and not care about the fact that I'm wearing my fat jeans as a result of my terrible eating habits during finals!

⁵ Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens;

      your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds.
    ⁶ Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
      your justice like the ocean depths.
   You care for people and animals alike, O Lord.
       ⁷ How precious is your unfailing love, O God!
   All humanity finds shelter
      in the shadow of your wings.
    ⁸ You feed them from the abundance of your own house,
      letting them drink from your river of delights.
    ⁹ For you are the fountain of life,
      the light by which we see.

Psalm 36: 5-9

Giving credit, where credit's due.

Cheers.